I never thought I could...

2012 has proved to be a year for me to do things I never thought I could. I never thought I could make the life changes needed to lose the weight I needed to get myself healthy, but I have. I took steps that have made mine and my family's life better. So here is a list of things I never thought I could do, but did in 2012.

*Walk 50 miles in a month, completed in June.

*Run a mile. Have now done several times and working on getting my time down.

*Complete and intense workout program. We finished Insanity (which some fit people are scared to do) a week ago.

*Lose 50lbs by my brother's wedding. I lost 60lbs by then.

*Keep up with healthy life changes. In February I decided to make changes and have kept up with them.

I didn't think I could do these. But I did. I worked my butt off and have seen the good side of that. For once I have kept some of my New Year's resolutions and am so happy about it. So I am planning for 2013 now. Tomorrow I will write about my next set of goals. I don't like the term resolutions, it just sounds so boring and business like. I prefer to call them goals. It sounds more doable then.

Other things that happened in 2012

*Brynn learned to sit, crawl, walk and run.
*Mady potty trained.
*Brynn said her first words.
*Mady learned to talk like a "big girl".
*Steven was in the country for my birthday (First time since we've been married)
*My baby brother got married!
*We made a trip to Indiana!
*We had family visitors.
*We made several zoo trips, park trips, one Sea World trip, played, laughed, smiled, and had fun.
*The girls grew like weeds!

To prove the last one, check out the pictures.

Be your own kind of Mom

I use disposable diapers. I give my kids candy and cake and ice cream sometimes. I don't always buy organic, even the dirty dozen list. I made my own baby food for Brynn but not Mady. My kids are fully vaccinated. Only 2 times in her life has someone else put Mady in bed (and that was because I was in the hospital having Brynn). I have never spent an entire day away from my kids. Sometimes I yell and overreact. I have spanked Mady when she needed it. I still let Mady use a pacifier to sleep. Mady will only nap on the couch, not in her bedroom. My kids eat frozen chicken nuggets for lunch at least once a week. I don't sew or crochet or quilt or anything like that and i don't really want to. Sometimes at Target I let my kids get something from the dollar spot so I don't have to hear them whine. If you go to the grocery with me without throwing a fit you usually get a small treat afterwards. I don't always wipe down carts or public things my kids touch. My kids probably watch too much TV. I bribe Mady to eat vegetables with ice cream. I let both girls cry it out at some point. I did not nor do I want to babywear. My girls are not allowed to sleep in our bed, past 3 months. After they go to bed I do not open their bedroom doors unless they are crying or I am getting them up.

Call me a bad mom if you want. I'm not perfect and I don't try to be. And despite what may be seen as my downfalls as a mom, my kids are still growing and rarely sick. Every time the fridge is open Brynn goes for the carrots. Both girls love fruit. They go to the bed at the same time every night and typically stay there till morning. They have each learned to put themselves to sleep. They can each entertain themselves. They may fight, but do genuinely love each other. Both girls are very smart and get along with other kids. I sit and play with them everyday. We smile and laugh and giggle all the time.

I don't care if you think I am doing some things wrong as a mother. At some point you have to realize that you are you're own person, so you are your own kind of mom. I don't care if you use cloth diapers, don't vaccinate, wear your child everywhere, never watch TV and only eat organic. That's fine with me. As long as your children are healthy and happy you are probably doing okay. So to all my mom friends or soon-to-be mom friends, stop judging each other and worrying about what everyone else thinks. Raise your kids how you want. Love them. Enjoy them. And do get a glue gun (that can fix more toys than you know and prevent toddler meltdowns).

Insanity Results!

Merry Christmas! Well a day late, but still. I hope you had a great holiday, I know we did here. The girls were overwhelmed with all their new toys, books, and movies. They love them all and we are extremely grateful to be loved by so many people.

Well 2 days before Christmas Steven and I finished Insanity! I can't believe we actually did it, and it was hard and there were days we didn't want to do it and just quit. But we did. We kept going. Thanks to each others motivation.

During the 9weeks that we did it I lostt 20.5lbs and have seen my body change a lot. I don't by any means have slim legs or arms but I have definitely toned up. My waist is more prevalent now and I have developed kind of an hour glass shape, which is nice. I feel healthier and like can go any workout now. I was not able to do every single move or keep up all the time with the workouts, but I did what I could and I pushed myself harder than I ever have when working out. My sweat would literally soak my clothes every night too. It was great.

Steven saw big changes too. His arms are much bigger, his chest is bigger and more toned. His belly is less flab and toned up too. I know it sounds mean, but it's not.

We both feel better and have been encouraged by our results. And I at least learned some things. Like I don't like being required to workout 6 times a week. It's a lot. And it got to be just too much at times. We skipped a couple of the recovery days which are once a week, just to get an extra day off. So with my next routine 5 days a week is the limit. I also learned that I can do so much more physically than I thought. There were exercises I'd see them do and think it was impossible for me, but I did it. It's nice yo feel so accomplished and proud of the changes I have made.

I did also learn once again that I should have taken measurements to have more than just my weight tracking the changes. Oh well. To be honest I didn't even take great before picture because I didn't think I'd actually end up finishing.

Now I am working on my 2013 goals! I am excited to see what the new year brings!

Oh and below are the before and after pictures from our Insanity challenge.

My Thank You to Teachers

I haven't posted since the shootings in Connecticut on Friday. I have thought and even started posts in my head, but haven't been able to come up with the right words. The truth is though there are no right words. Nothing I write will bring back those children or teachers. Nothing I say will comfort those who are hurting most. But I don't want to just move on and pretend like this didn't happen. It did happen. It has made me cry and pray and cringe and worry for the world. I don't know why this happened. And I don't know how to stop it from happening again, I wish I did. I wish this didn't make me worry for my own children, who will one day be at a school just like the one in Newtown. I wish we all could live in peace. I wish children didn't have to see this kind of horror. I wish parent's didn't have to know this kind of pain. Yet they do.

My heart goes out to those children. Although they are dancing in Heaven now and free of any pain or worries, so maybe we should be happy for that fact. I feel for the parent's who are grieving the loss of their children. No parent should have to bury a child, especially one who has just started life, who can barely read and had no idea what kind of evil could be in this world. I feel for the brothers and sisters who may have been in the school, and heard the shots, and could do nothing to save their siblings. I feel for the other children who were there, and had to see horrible things that no grown adult and definitely no child should have to see or hear. I feel for the first responders who probably can't sleep and keep reseeing the scene over in their head. Who went home and thanked God it wasn't their child they found in the school. I feel for everyone touched and effected by this.

I also want to write a bit about the teachers and school staff. They were the heroes in this story. I've read about the ones who put their kids in cabinets and closets and bathrooms and kept their children safe. The kids that have come to love. The kids in their rooms may not have been their own blood children, but these teachers loved and protected them like they were. Some gave their life doing it, just as any parent would. One story I read was about a teacher who hid her class in a bathroom and told them she loved them, because she thought that is what they should hear and know if they are going to die. They ended up surviving, but I couldn't help but be so moved by that. She knew and thought of these children and what their parent's would want. I don't care what the situation is, if something horrific is about to happen to my child I would want them to hear they are loved.

This horrible situation has made me think of my own teachers from years ago. The ones who I know without a doubt would have stood in front of a bullet for all their kids. The ones who would have done what they could to stop someone from harming us. I am thankful we never had a horrific incident, but I am also thankful for those teachers who I know would have been there. My 4th grade teacher Mrs. McClintock is the first to come to mind, and I know she would have been there hiding us and getting us to safety. I also think of my friends now who are teachers. I know that Monday morning they walked into their classrooms and looked around with special attention. They made a plan in their head what they would do, where they could hide kids, if they could get kids out the windows, what could be used as protection. Mentally they tried to prepare themselves for if it was their school, their kids.

I am thankful that their are teachers and school staff out there that love their children and school enough to be heroes and stand up to people who want to hurt or terrorize their school. Thank you to those who don't get paid enough to care and love, but you still do. Thank you for making it a little safer for all the kids you can.

Love Homecomings

So last night Steven and I watched Love Actually, yes I got to pick. And I was reminded of homecomings. If you haven't seen the movie it starts and ends with scenes of people coming home in an airport. I couldn't help but think of military homecomings. Deployment is one of the hardest things a military family will go through. It means months separated from your spouse. I could list all the bad things about deployment, but that is depressing, so let me tell you more about the good part. Homecoming.

If you are married or in a committed relationship you know it can be hard spending more than a few days without them. And that moment that they pull into the drive way or you pick them up at the airport it is awesome. My dad travelled a lot when I was growing up for his job. So I remember how happy and relieved my mom was when he would come home from a trip. Now picture that trip being months long. And it's not just a drive away or a couple time zones, but it's thousands of miles and a different continent away. When you have a homecoming then it is planned for. You clean your house top to bottom because you want it to be perfect. You make signs and decorate so they can feel welcome. You plan a special meal. You buy a special outfit. You plan for this for months. You start planning homecoming from the moment they let go of your hand and say goodbye. You stand waiting and waiting and then you see them. They come off the plane (or ship or bus) and finally you can touch them again. You can finally get that hug and kiss that you have wanted and needed for too long. It makes the months of separation seem a little worth it. I think everyone should get to experience something like that moment in their life.

We have done 3 homecomings since we've been married. 2 for good reason, 1 for not. A year from now I will prepping for homecoming with children. Something I haven't done. Hopefully the memory of the good 2 homecomings will keep me going through the deployment. At least you know the kids will keep me going. Until he leaves though we will enjoy our time together. And he will keep giving the dog a bath and cleaning the bathtubs. :)

Elmo and Patsy

So yesterday Steven and I were talking about Christmas music. I love Christmas music. I think it's fun and festive. But recently the lack of good versions of classic Christmas songs has made me a little sad. So I decided I was going to go in search of classic CDs I listened to when I was younger. Little did I know I would come across Elmo and Patsy, which is a tape we had when I was little. I remember listening to it constantly at Christmastime. It's made me do excited. I'm pretty sure Steven thought I was crazy. It is comical Christmas music, not exactly your typical expected love songs. Anyways it made me so happy and gave me so many memories of Christmas as a child.

It also made me a little sad. As much as I am excited for Christmas with my girls and Steven it's not easy being away from the rest of my family. I have very fond memories of Christmas with my family. We always had so much fun. But when I married a sailor I knew that's how it would be. We cannot be around for all holidays, or any sometimes. Our families live far from each other, so even if we choose to go to one, it means saying we can't to the other. It is hard knowing that my kids won't have the same memories I do. But we are making an effort to provide them with our own memories and traditions. They may only be toddlers, but it is still important to us. So we do crafts, we have fun places we are going this month. It should be an exciting month.

So despite my being a little sad, we will push through and have lots of fun. I will probably cry at some point because I miss my family, but I will be excited to share new memories with our family here :)

90lbs down!

Well today I finally got over a weight loss funk I was going through all last week. I yoyoed all last week going up and down a couple pounds, which was particularly frustrating because we started our second month of Insanity and I can tell you for a fact I am burning some major calories doing it. I thought month one was hard, and it is, but month 2 is crazy insane hard. We were so happy to have a day off yesterday. Anyways I stepped on the scale this morning and managed to get over the half pound I couldn't, so now I am down 90lbs!

I am excited to be feeling so good and happy with how far I have come. I also have to say I am proud of myself for coming this far without using any crazy weight loss diets or pills. I want to remind everyone I have done this all by eating healthy, watching my calorie intake, and working out. I have never skipped a meal. I have never ate just lettuce and carrots (or something crazy like that). I eat the foods I enjoy, even sweets and chocolate, just in moderation. It took a lot to teach myself to eat just a little. Yes it is hard to have just 1 cookie sometimes, and yes sometimes I eat more than I should. But that happens, that's life. I balance out the bad with good. I eat a lot more vegetables now, roasted veggies is one of my favorite things ever.

So now I push forward and even though I may not exactly want to work out tonight, I will, because I know I feel better when I do. I feel strong and healthy and like I can do it. Okay in the middle I am nearly crying at points because I don't think I can do anymore. But I do. I push myself to do more than I think I can. I know it is the holiday season and I actually got my beginning of inspiration to start this at the beginning of the holiday season last year. I don't think I have told anyone about this, but now I am thinking about it, so I will. Last year in December I had my follow up appointment after having Brynn (yes it was late, I cancelled, the doctor cancelled, it ended up being a few weeks late), anyways the appointment was with a midwife I had never seen before, but now if I was pregnant (which I am not) I would definitely go see her. She was a bigger woman, and had the same build as me. Just a few years older than me, and had a little boy a bit older than Mady. Yes we chatted. She asked me about my weight and at that point I weighed less than I did before I had Mady, which she was happy about, but she looked at me and she said that she had recently lost 50lbs and was working on losing more. She said she could lecture me all day about the health risks and why I should do it, but the reality is that I will finally do it when I am ready. I will take the steps to change my life when I am ready to do it. It always stuck with me. Two months later I began to change my lifestyle. And I thank her for saying that to me. She even said don't do it for New Years. Do it when you are ready, not because it is the beginning of a year and you want to make a resolution. I will likely not see her again, and she will never know if I actually began to get healthy. But her words and her honesty with me really stuck and I appreciate that.

So make the change for you and if you feel like now is the time to make a change in your life, whether it is healthy eating, getting out of a bad situation, or getting into a good one, do it when you are ready. You will know when it is time, even if it is in the middle of the holiday season when it may seem inconvenient, make the changes you need to when you are ready.

This may not seem big to you...

I have recently hit a big point for myself in weight loss. Although when thinking about it I realized that not everyone may appreciate it as much as others. And some may not think it is a big deal at all, yet for myself it is. So bear with me.

When I began losing weight, I had no idea how much weight I would want to lose. I still don't know an exact amount and really I try not to put too much stock into any one measure of weight loss. But I did know that there were more measures of weight loss than just your actual weight. Especially because at 5'7" 120lbs was going to look different on me than a woman that is 5'1". And no I don't aspire to be 120lbs. So I started using a BMI calculator on occasion to see where I was at. The BMI calculator uses your height and weight to give you an approximate percentage of body fat that you have. It's not perfect, but it is a good general measuring tool.

Anyways I've mentioned before that I have brought my BMI down quite a bit and I have now reached a new milestone with it. My BMI at the beginning of February was 43.8%, that is in the severely obese category. Other charts will call it morbidly obese. When I think about that I can't believe I ever let myself get that far. People who are morbidly obese are at higher risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes, stroke, and can cause breathing problems. On top of this as a woman it can cause fertility problems, I consider myself lucky to have had 2 healthy uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries at the weights I was at. When I think about that term morbidly obese it scares me. That means that my weight could have literally been a factor in killing me. Okay I know that your weight is not the only factor in health things, but it is something that I have control over and that i can do something about. I cannot control that all the negative things that are related to obesity run in my family. But this I can do something about.

Anyways, this past weekend my BMI entered a new category. I am now just overweight. Okay that may not seem that great, but when you consider I came from severely obese, crossed through the obese section, and am now overweight it doesn't seem so bad. I still want to get myself to the normal range and am working on that, but just knowing that I have come so far is encouraging to myself. Oh and my BMI is currently 29.9% (yes right into that overweight range).

If you want help in getting started losing weight and need encouragement or guidance on how to start, let me know. I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you the things that have helped me and point you toward different sources for help.

The holiday season in full swing!

I feel the need to apologize for not writing for so long. Turns out the past week was busy busy busy. And this week seems to be starting the same way.

Well we had Thanksgiving and it went great here! I have to say probably the best Thanksgiving food I have ever made. Now to wait another year to have all the yummy goodness again! I was convinced I would be gaining weight over the last week and had actually decided that as long as I didn't get over a certain point it would be okay. Turns out I lost weight over the weekend! I was pleasantly surprised. And it gave me hope that I can reach my next goal even sooner. 11lbs more to my next goal and I want to do it by February. And I are what I wanted. I didn't deprive myself, although I did eat less, purely because I physically cannot eat as much as I used to.

Last night we started our 2nd month of Insanity. It was hard. Really hard. I don't think I have ever worked out for an hour solid until last night. While it was hard, we could do it. I mean we took a lot if breaks, but we made it through. And we are looking forward to seeing what the other new workouts bring.

I don't know about everyone else, but I feel behind for Christmas already! We have gifts for the girls, but still have more to work on. I have started looking for Steven but haven't gotten anything. I have a great idea which is proving tough to execute without him finding out about. And now I am working on our 25 days of Christmas for the girls. 25 days of Christmas fun, crafts, things out of the norm. Cheap things :) I am ready to pull out our Christmas decorations, but waiting for Steven to help (there may be spiders in the boxes). And our tree will go up not too long from now. First we have to decide on where to put it. Turns out the more toys you have, the harder to find a place. Yes, a toy cleaning out is planned before Christmas. In fact donating a couple of toys is one of the things we are having Mady do this year. Brynn too but she has less say in which ones. We are excited to go see Santa this weekend and hopefully there are a lot less screams and unhappiness than when we tried to see Santa last year.

And try to remind yourself if you gained weight over Thanksgiving it's not the end of the world. You can get those pounds off again! That's what I tell myself every time I gain :) I know easier said than done sometimes.

Shopping on Thanksgiving

I am going Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving. Yes I know many many people are saying that you shouldn't because the workers should be home with their families, and I agree. I think people should be home with their families. I think stores should be closed on Thanksgiving day. I think that if you have to work on a holiday you should get extra pay. And to be honest there aren't any huge deals that we are trying to get. So why go you ask? Well it is the first and possibly only time Steven and I will be able to brave the crazy crowds of Walmart or Target shoppers together. it sounds silly, I acknowledge this. But Steven and I rarely have a chance to go out without the kids, and we refuse to take our children to go crazy shopping at ridiculous times of night. This year Steven's parents are here, so they can stay with the girls (who will be fast asleep) while we go out. Yes it still sounds silly, why not wait until the next morning, well I don't think my in-laws would very much appreciate us asking them to get up at 4am, nor do I want to get up at 4am.

So be upset with me that I will be out tomorrow night shopping, think that I am a hypocrite for wanting these people home with their families but still shopping at their store. That's fine. But Steven and I are going to take this opportunity to go out and do something silly and fun together and laugh at the people that are crazy buying deals, and pick up a few good deals ourselves while we can. He will not be home next year for the holidays. I will explain to our girls that Daddy has to be gone and work for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I will do it with the pride of a military wife and not complaint. It will not be the only year I have to do it. And no I do not think that Walmart and military members are comparable in their need to work on holidays. Please also understand that if you knew how our last week has gone you would agree that we could use a little silly and crazy stupid fun.

Also if you want to be the person and stand up for those who have to work on Thanksgiving have you ever thought of all the people who work at the professional football games you watch or the Thanksgiving day parade. Those are also unneeded things (nurses, doctors, military, firemen, etc...are all necessary). Outside of the football players and coaches who are paid well, have you considered all the concession, security, ticket people who have to work too. Maybe they get extra pay, I hope so, just pointing out that it's not just retail stores who make their people work holidays.

Insanity Month 1

Well we have finished the first month of Insanity. It was hard and I didn't think we were going to get this far, but we have. I am proud to say that I have been able to do it and not passed out, and to say that I am actually enjoying it. I can say that easier on Monday morning, because Sundays are off days.

So have we seen results?? Well I have lost 9.5lbs (just .5lbs away from my Thanksgiving goal, darn .5lb). I have started to see my arms develop muscles (they are small, don't ask to see them). Last night I pointed out to Steven that you can start to see my hip bones. My body in general seems to be getting more in shape. While I have lost a lot of weight up to this point, it is nice to see my body getting toned and changing shape. And while Steven may tell you different, he is building muscle and has more muscle definition.

I have to say I am a little sad that we will be starting the second half, only because I was just starting to get the hang of some of the exercises and I could finally do the warm up without stopping. Oh well that's the point right, move onto something new so your body doesn't get used to the old. It is going to get harder in the second month, so we'll see how that is. We are doing a week of recovery before we get into the second month. There is a workout that we will do, don't think we get a whole week off. Actually we don't get any extra days off, it's just not as intense of a workout. It will be nice to have a little less intensity this week. We have a whole lot going on this week, and of course I have realized that I am behind on a couple things for Christmas, so busy busyness this week. Let's hope the kids understand that.

A New Tattoo??

So I promised myself years and years ago that if I lost 50lbs I would get another tattoo. I have 3 already, nothing large, it is possible you could see me often and never know I had them. But I promised myself this and when I reached 50lbs I was excited to think about getting another tattoo. Unfortunately it has been over 4 months and 34lbs more and I have not gotten a new one. Why? I don't know what to get. I am not someone to just go get a tattoo. If I am going to have it on my body I want it to mean something to me and I want to love it forever, since I am going to have it forever. I also don't want anything large. I am not someone who can do big tattoos. It just doesn't suit me. I also think hard about placement, because I plan on working again when we have kids in school, so I will likely need to be able to cover it with clothing most days.

When we are done having kids I will get a tattoo for all of them, so I don't want anything to do with them. I know that sounds bad, but this is something for myself to remind me of how far I have come. Yes I have considered getting a number 50, but that seems lame and I plan on losing much more than that. I'm thinking I will wait till I lose 100lbs to even get the tattoo. And knowing my decision making skills it will be longer than that.

If anyone has any brilliant ideas, feel free to share. Remember no numbers, even roman numerals. I just want something that will remind me of how far I have come and all that I have done to get here. And something that can be small. Hmmm...

What Your Parents Never Told You

I am not a parenting expert. Mady isn't even 2 1/2 yet, so I definitely have things to learn still. A lot to learn actually. Just last night I text my mom and asked her if we became unbearable when we Mady's age. Her honest response was pretty much yes. We are in the midst of the terrible 2s. For those who haven't been through this yet, don't be scared, you will get through it. My mom recommends patience. I recommend a mommy time out in the bathroom with the door locked once daddy gets home. It's really not that bad. Promise. Kinda.

Anyways, want to know what your parents didn't tell you. They had no idea what they were doing. No parent really does. I have no idea what I am doing most days. Okay don't get me wrong, change diapers, make sure baby is fed and clean. I got that. There are basic things we all know to do. But a lot of the time, we are just guessing. How to punish a biter? Time out, a spanking, bite them back, take your guess with your child and hope it works. Even when you have a crying child and you think you know what they need, the truth is, you really are just guessing and praying that it stops the crying.

I will never forget holding my sweet newborn babies in my arms and looking at the nurse in the hospital as they said we could take them each home and thinking you have to be kidding me. I have no idea what I am doing. The first week with Madelynn after my mom left and Steven went back to work, I cried everyday. Mady cried, I cried. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I remember one day looking at Steven and saying I don't know what's wrong with her. He then asked if she needed her diaper changed and I cried because I hadn't thought of that. I was a brand new mom with major nervousness. It got better with time, and by the time I had Brynn I didn't have nervous breakdowns daily, but I still didn't know what I was doing all the time. And I still don't. And I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life as a mom who doesn't know what exactly I am doing. And that's okay. Just don't tell my kids. Ever. As far as I know, even though I don't know what I am doing, my mom still does. She always does.

I don't want to do it

So last night Steven and completed our third week of Insanity. The great thing is we are enjoying it (for the most part) and we are starting to see results. Steven's arms are getting very buff and mine are getting smaller (thank goodness). Also I am seeing results in my tummy and legs, which is great. We have fun doing it, well fun maybe isn't the best word, but we do like it.

But last night, I didn't want to do it. I have never done an exercise program with a schedule, nor have I ever worked out 6 days a week, every week. And while I am enjoying it, it is getting tough to keep doing. Thankfully I have Steven to keep me motivated and we keep each other going. But honest to goodness last night I didn't want to do it. All I really wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch a movie with popcorn and junk food. I wanted to get french fries from McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae, oreos, and sit and eat and not think about the consequence or end up with the consequences. I could deal with the slight weight gain, but the not sleeping because I was having "intestinal issues" and feeling absolutely miserable I didn't want. So that plan was out. I still didn't want to workout though. I was coming up with every reason I could not to. I had just gotten my flu shot, I was feeling sad because my dad had left, I just didn't want to. But what I do want came first. I do want to stick to this program. I do want to continue to change my body. I do want to be encouraging to Steven.

So we worked out and I'd like to tell you afterwards I felt so much better and was happy I did. Now don't get me wrong I am happy I did it, but I was absolutely exhausted. My body was achy and hurting. So no, after you workout you don't always feel great. Mentally you can be proud, but physically sometimes you just wish you hadn't.

But I still did it. We finished the 3rd and we have a night off. And a night off is nice, but I still want to do it tomorrow. Sometimes I think I am a masochist.

I should probably add that after we worked out we sat on the couch, watched Captain America and had popcorn and low fat Oreos. So at least I got some of what I wanted.

The Breakfast Factor

Breakfast effects my whole day. I didn't realize this until recently. It really does though. If I have a good breakfast I am more likely to eat a good lunch and snack well which helps give me more energy and the ability to handle the stress of 2 toddlers better.

There are tons of benefits of having a good breakfast that I could mention, but really for me it effects my whole mood. If my breakfast ends up being a disappointment my whole day can suffer. I know it's sad that it can effect my day so much, but it does. This doesn't mean I have a huge breakfast all the time, sometimes honey nut Cheerios are all I want, it does mean though that yesterday when I warmed up my breakfast sandwich and it stunk, I was a bit moody and ate a granola bar instead, which just didn't fill me up and then I felt snacky all day because my lunch wasn't great and I felt like I ate poorly all day.

So what I'm saying is if you aren't used to a good breakfast try it. It could really make your day. And if you are thinking you don't have time, try making breakfast sandwiches ahead of time and freezing them. It's easy. Toasty some English muffins, scramble eggs, add cheese and cooked bacon, let cool, wrap in paper towel, put in ziplock bag, and freeze. Just warm for 1 to 2 minutest and you have a good breakfast. Watch how many calories are in your cheese and muffins and you can have a healthy one too.

So now I shall go make myself and the girls a good heathy breakfast and hope for a calm day. We'll see...

The complete and honest truth about my weight

I have recently been a little hard on myself. This is strange for me because I throughout the past 10 months I have been able to be positive and encouraging with myself even when I have gained a little weight or just stayed the same for a week. I have always been able to look at the scale and remind myself where I was when I started and I would be happy with my progress. This was until last week. Last week I gained a couple pounds and had a hard time taking them off and I was hard on myself. For the first time I wanted to give up and just say I was good with the progress I had made. It took me a few days to realize why this time it was so much harder.

So to explain this I have to reveal something I have not. My weight. I don't want to, but the reality is I promised myself I would be real on my blog and try to encourage people and show people that they too can do what I have. This means revealing even the hard things that I don't want to. So I will. Please know though that even as I type this I am nervous.

So this recent weight gain has been hard because I had finally reached a milestone that I was very proud of. Last weekend for the first time I reached a weight that started with a 1 not a 2. I had finally gotten below 200lbs. It was thrilling because I have been above that for so long. SO many years. Then the next day I was up a couple pounds. Back in the 200s. I didn't let that one day bother me too much, because that happens, but when it lasted almost all week, I was discouraged. Yet I was seeing results. I could tell that Insanity was changing my body and I am hopeful that I am gaining muscle. I have known for a long time that I could not just look at the scale for proof of my results, but the past week was the first time I really had to accept that. I think it was God's reality check for me. Like I was not going to get back under 200 until I could accept that my body is changing despite what the scale says. So i have an I can happily say that I got back down to where I want to be yesterday.

So I feel now like I should tell you all the real numbers. Okay, so my starting weight 10 months ago was 280lbs. I'm not proud of that, but that was not the highest I had ever been even. Since then I have lost 81lbs, making my weight now 199lbs. That probably sounds like a lot to many people still, but to me this is a HUGE accomplishment. I have lost 29% of my body weight from the beginning and brought my BMI down 12.6%. I started as morbidly obese and now am almost nearly in the overweight BMI category. I would still like to be in the healthy range of course, but to come as far as I have is amazing. My health has improved in many many ways and I am proud of how far I have come.

Some will criticize still because I still have a ways to go, but let's remember I have not done any fad diets, I have never starved myself, I eat right and exercise. I counted every calorie I ate for nearly 6 months, but now I can limit myself and eat the right way without having to do that (although on occasion I will for a day). I have had the support from all the people around me.

So now you know. You know how much I weigh. Even as I finish this I am wondering if I should post it, but I think I will. If it will help even one person see that they to can do it. Maybe I started higher than them, or maybe they are where I was, please know that you can do it if you want. Just a little effort will get the ball rolling.

October Update

October was quite a month for us. We had lots of fun and I lost some weight. Some of the fun things we got to do were firsts for us. We got to go to our very first Airshow, where we saw the Blue Angels and many other Marine and Navy planes. We also learned that Mady likes airplanes when they are far away, but she is not a fan of how loud they are up close. We also all ended up with sunburns despite the sunscreen we used.

We also went to a pumpkin patch where we did a hay maze, had fair type food, picked out pumpkins and had lots of fun. A few weeks later we painted our pumpkins, which they loved!

Steven and I also got some separate time away from the kids. Steven went to a movie, I went shopping. We both felt reenergized afterwards.

One of the biggest things this month was we adopted a puppy! Her name is Oso (yes Mady helped picked the name). She is a collie lab mix and adorable. She is 4 months old and is turning into a great puppy for us. She is potty trained for the most part and we are working on leash training and keeping down on the barking and digging. We all love her.

As far as weight loss I am down 80lbs total now. This month I lost about 11lbs. I am happy to have hit my weight loss goal got before the end of the year, but a bit discouraged right now, I has been consistently losing weight and this week I keep bouncing up and down about 2lbs. I know it's normal, but it is tough, seeing as I have been eating well and we started the Insanity workout. I am trying not to get down about it though. It's just a few days and I think I have figured out what it is. I think I may not be eating enough. I know it sounds weird, but if you know anything about weight loss you know you have to eat and eat the right amount. So I'm wondering if maybe I am eating enough for a regular day, but not enough for how much I am working out. So I think I'll try to boost up my calorie intake and see what happens.

Anyways enough about that, November is a new month and we get to see my Dad and my in-laws this month which will be fun. Thanksgiving will be here soon and we will enjoy some good food and fun. So onto the Thanksgiving preparations!

Getting a little Insane

Steven and I started Insanity last week. If you have not heard of the Insanity workout look it up. It's an intense type of interval training. It is the hardest workout I have ever done. After the warm up I am dripping sweat and there is still 20-30 minutes left in the workout. The harder 20-30 minutes. We have to take a lot of breaks, but we like it. The trainer Shaun T is intense but motivating. He constantly wants you to do more and work harder and even though he is on the TV somehow you want to do it. You want to do better and work harder to impress him, even though he can't see you.

And I have seen results even after just one week. I have been eating pretty much the same. Well actually after we work out (after the girls are in bed), I eat a little more. After some research I have learned that you need a combination of protein and simple carbohydrates after working out to properly replenish your body and maximize your results. Last week my snack of choice was 2 hard boiled egg whites and a strawberry fruit bar after working out. It worked for me. Gave me a little energy too. Oh and for results, I lost 5lbs. I was shocked. I haven't lost that much weight in one week since I started losing weight and lost primarily water weight. I don't expect that to continue (I wouldn't complain if it did though), but it is a great way to know that working this hard is doing something. Steven even said my legs are looking slimmer (an area that has refused to join the losing weight train).

So far it is great, and we are staying motivated. Doing it with Steven has helped tremendously. I want to spend the time with him, and we both want to improve our health. We keep each other motivated too. I know he wants to keep going and if I stop he may, so I keep going. And he knows the same about me. We do it and keep going for each other and ourselves.

And just a warning if you are wanting to start exercising and getting in shape, I would not start with Insanity. Get yourself into working out first, do some other DVDs, run, lift some weights or something, but know that this is intense and hard for even the people in the DVD. They all take breaks too. But also you don't have to be in perfect shape to do it. I am far from that but I can still do it, at my own pace.

The In Between and the Navy

The in between phase in anything seems to be the worst part. It's that time when you are waiting and usually cannot do anything. Ugh. It seems that's where Steven is at with the Navy right now. Okay not everything with the Navy, but 2 big things.

1. Exam results. For those who don't know to advance in the Navy you have to take an exam (or be capped, a different situation). It sounds easy, study hard, pass the exam. No that easy. Even if you pass the exam, you may still not make the next rank. There are a lot of number games played, and it gets complicated with extra points and whatnot. It's a bit ridiculously complicated if you ask me, but the Navy has never asked me. Anyways, Steven took the exam September 6, he should get the results toward the end of November. No this is not because of some mishap in the system, this is normal. They take the exam and then sit on pins and needles for 2+ months waiting for the results. It sucks. And I am convinced there is some person sitting in an office somewhere twiddling their thumbs and laughing because it seems to me there should be some kind of computer program that can have all the results ready much faster.

2. Orders. Every 3 or so years as and enlisted person in the Navy you choose new orders (or are assigned). The best way I can explain it to people who don't know the military life is to relate it to a huge company and every 3 years you are required to change jobs alternating between two different divisions (Sea and Shore). You have to apply for a few new jobs and hope the magical detailer decides you fit with the one you really want. They submit a Navy "resume" type document and different commands look at it and can make comments, but it seems that ultimately the detailer is the man. Anyways, there is a time frame you have that you can apply for these jobs. 7-9 months out from when you are to be leaving your current job. Right now Steven is 11 months out. Which means December time he will be choosing new orders. So we are waiting to see what this means for our family. Will we be moving? If so, where, in the US, or Japan? Will Steven be deployed constantly? What kind of ship will he be on? Will there be something that changes it all? There are a lot of what ifs that could be thought of, and ultimately we still have 2 months before we could have any idea of answers. (Once you apply for orders it takes time to find out if you got them or not of course)

The in between. The time where we wait. Wait to find out news. Wait to make decisions. Wait wait wait. It's the Navy way. Oh and please don't think this is complaining about the Navy. It's not. I love the Navy. I love being a Navy wife. I love the things the Navy has done for our family. It could be much much worse and we definitely realize that everyday. We thank God Steven has a job everyday.

Still a bit of a Teeny Bopper

I can't think of anything too interesting to write today. I'm not sure why. So we'll see where this goes.

I have recently been listening to some different music than just country. It's good to branch out. I have discovered something about myself that I may be a little ashamed to admit. There is part of me that is still a teeny bopper. Yes when I heard One Direction (one of today's Backstreet Boys or *Nsync) I was excited. I like it. I kinda want to buy their CD. I know you can make fun of me, because I still buy CDs and because I like their music. But let's be honest, if you were once a teeny bopper, you will always be a teeny bopper.

Many of us now have real jobs, are married, have children, yet still admit it, when you heard that the Backstreet Boys were getting back together, you got excited. And when you heard that Justin Timberlake got married, you were a little sad. Because even if you are married with kids, you believed he was secretly just waiting for you.

For a while I was a little embarrassed to admit that, yes in my middle school early high school years I attended a Backstreet Boys, *Nsync, and 98 Degrees concert. Now I am proud. I was a teeny bopper. I had the posters, the CDs, the magazines, the whole shebang. I was invested in Justin and Brittney, and Nick and Jessica. I thought they would make it work. Laugh if you will, but I know there are others of you out there reading this thinking yes, I did the same thing.

So if you were like me, be happy to know that there are still boy bands out there (even if they aren't exactly referred to as that anymore). Because think about it, One Direction and the Jonas Brothers, the music still sounds a little familiar and makes you smile.

Offended

I am not someone who gets offended easily. I am pretty go with the flow laid back when it comes to jokes and comments made at my expense. But I was offended and kinda hurt recently by a comment made to Steven about me. I have worked my butt off to lose 75lbs. I have watched what I eat, I have worked out, I have done it the right way. At least the right way for me. But last week a coworker of Steven's made a comment that was mean and I haven't been able to shake it, so hopefully writing about it will help. If you work with Steven or know the guys that do the person that said it would not surprise you.

Anyways, Steven recently told a couple guys in his shop that I had lost 75lbs and that he was proud of me. One guy asked if I had done it the "right" way or if I had tried to use some quick fix thing. Steven said no that I had watched what I ate and worked out, and then showed him the before and after picture I posted after losing 50lbs. The guy's response was not your typical, good for her, or wow that's a difference, instead it was "You married her when she was that big." Who says that!! I mean really! I hate people like that. Has no one taught you that if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. Especially to someone's husband. And no this is not a guy who is in great shape and I'm sure he has difficulty passing the Navy fitness tests. So who does he think he is to say something like that. And yes, my husband did marry me when I was that big and has loved me through all my weight ups and downs. Through pregnancy and horrible moments. He has loved me unconditionally because when you are married that what you do. He married me for me. He supports me. If I said right now I am done. I am not going to lose more weight. He would be fine with that. If I told him I was going to do something extreme and dangerous just to lose more weight he would tell me to stop, because he wants me to be healthy, not skinny.

And let me tell you this, even at my very heaviest when I was pregnant with Mady, when I weighed 120lbs more than I do right now, I still took care of myself. I still showered, did my hair, my makeup and didn't just give up. And yes my husband still loved me.

If you are trying to lose weight, please do not give these people the time of day. I hate that I have spent time even writing this. I don't want a person like this to have an effect on me, yet sometimes you just can't get it out of your head. He won't read this. I will probably never say anything to him because I'm nice and thankfully can avoid being around him. And now that I have put it out there I hope to get it out of my head. And thank you to all that have supported me. For all your kind words and encouragement, you will never know how much it helps. And to those who think I was gross before, or even now, I don't care. At least I am doing something to better myself. I doubt that guy is doing something to stop himself from being a jerk (and yes I had many other stronger words in my head).

A Time Out for Mommy

I am a time out mom. Time outs work for us. It isn't always a sit in the corner time out, sometimes it's more of a sit quietly and color or just take a breather by yourself. This does not just apply to Mady (Brynn is still a bit young), but it also is for Mommy and Daddy. Every parent can tell you there are just moments when it's too much. The crying, the whining, the messiness, it all just gets overwhelming at times. No matter how much you love you kids, you need a break.

I don't get a long break often. An occasional trip to the grocery by myself, locking myself in the bathroom for 10 min, a quiet nap time with no cleaning required. Those are what I can hope for most of the time. They are little time outs throughout the day. A few minutes where no one needs me (although sometimes they cry like they do). But on occasion even the most patient and best mommies and daddies need a longer time out. A couple weekends ago Steven got to go to a movie and next weekend he is going to a football game, so I decided that this past weekend I was going to go out. So that's what I did. Saturday morning I told Steven I would be home by nap and I left. I went to the mall. I tried on clothes all over. I took my time picking things out. Searching through all the wonderful sales. I found new shirts, which was nice after I gutted my closet and drawers of all the clothes that are too big. I am left with just 1 fitting skirt and 2 fitting jeans right now. So I had plenty of room to hang new clothes. When I got home a few hours later I felt better. I felt ready to tackle the weekend.

I go way too long without taking a long time out. Don't be like me. Plan your time so you can take a break once a month or so. Do something just for you. This applies even if you don't have kids. You may be constantly working or doing school or helping others. You deserve a break for yourself. Take one.

The most annoying new mom advice

I was recently asked to contribute advice for a baby shower gift to a new mom. These things are cute and always well meaning. And I knew that included in there by more than one person, including moms themselves, was going to be my least favorite advice. Admittedly I have given the advice myself, I'm sorry to all I have said it to. And it's not given just to new moms, but to any mom with a new baby.

What is it you ask??? Well here goes....Sleep when your baby sleeps. Okay in theory this advice is great. If baby naps, mommy naps. Labor is hard and you are up all hours of the night in the first few months, so the idea of sleeping whenever baby sleeps is a good one, yet completely impractical in most circumstances. If you are lucky enough to live near family or can hire someone to come to your house to cook, clean, do laundry, and everything else around your house for a few months then go ahead, sleep when your baby sleeps. But if you are like me and had in house help for just a week then at some point you are going to have start doing laundry (which adds up quick with a newborn), the bathrooms eventually need cleaned, and you are going to run out of or want something different than your previously prepared and frozen meals. And while a husband and daddy can help, there are some things mommy still needs to do. Also if you are sleeping when your baby sleeps all the time you never truly get time to yourself. At least for me, taking a nap is not exactly mommy time. It's great, but afterwards I don't feel like I've done something just for me.

And please don't get me started if its not your first child. If you have another child at home, particularly one that still needs help and attention like a toddler or preschooler, there is not a chance that you can nap all the time. Even once a day sometimes.

So what's my advice instead, if you want to take a nap do it. But don't feel pressured to. I always felt like people were lecturing me because I would be up doing something during nap time. If you don't want to, if you would rather fold laundry or clean the toilet because that will make you feel a little better to know its done, do it. Even if you would rather just sit and read a book or watch tv do that.

Lets be honest the real time for naps and good sleep was prior to having the baby...

Getting rid of the X

So I hopped on the scale this morning and was pleasantly surprised to discover I have now lost 75lbs! Yay! Just 5lbs more to my end of the year goal! Which I am thinking I will just make a Thanksgiving goal. That way when I gain a pound or 2 on Thanksgiving I don't have to worry about it too much. I was really surprised because I have not been working out like I wanted this week. I've missed 2 workouts. It has been by choice and for my own sanity though. Sleeping has been rough for me this week, you know when you just can't turn your brain off and you wake up a lot at night (if you have never had this happen to you, please tell me your secret). That's what I've been doing all week. So I have skipped a couple of my morning workouts so I can get some extra sleep. Sleep is a necessity when you have kids. And being able to handle my girls and smile with them is more important than working out to lose a couple extra pounds. Don't get me wrong though, I did workout Monday morning and ran Tuesday night, so it's not like I have just been sitting around.

This past weekend we went to Old Navy to pick up a couple new shirts, because many of mine are not fitting. So I was looking at some shirts in the size that I have most of mine in XL, and I decided that I was going to be daring and buy some just in Large. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but I haven't worn Large shirts in years and years. So finally feeling like I don't have to get the absolute biggest size they have every time, is great. I know that at some stores I still can't wear any of their clothes, but you have to celebrate the small victories when you are trying to do something big.

This is also a reminder that it is probably time to go through my clothes and start getting rid of some that are too big. That is a big thing for me. It's like that final thing saying I promise I will not gain this weight back and be the size I was. But that is what want. So this weekend I think I am going to work on a donation pile. Hopefully it will give my drawers a little breathing space.

Baby Blues

Things are not always easy in life. That's just how life is. When I decided I wanted to lose weight and commit my life to being healthier I was not in the greatest place. I had 2 children and a husband that I loved, but I was struggling with myself. I was going through a bit of the baby blues. For those who don't know, having a baby is a beautiful and wonderful thing and you love your new baby like no other. But you also have very imbalanced hormones and it is extremely common to go through a rough time emotionally after you've had a child. It is not to be confused with post-pardum depression, which is very serious and if you think you have you need to talk to someone right away.

For me the baby blues didn't come on until Brynn was 3-4 months old. I didn't recognize it in myself right away, neither did anyone I was around. Steven could tell something was off, but honestly I was just going through the motions of it all. I was not truly enjoying my kids, while I loved them very much, I just did what I had to everyday to get through it. I had lost nearly all my baby weight, yet gained 15lbs back. Steven and I went through a tough time. I remember actually telling him through tears one night that I didn't really want to spend time with him. All I really wanted to do was sit around and watch TV or be on the computer. I didn't want to hang out with anyone, especially my husband. Even thinking about it now I get teary eyed and emotional because I can't believe it was true. I was doing harm to my family and it had to stop.

That was when I decided to start get myself in shape. I was watching The Doctors on TV and they were talking about hormones after having a baby and it finally clicked that my hormones had taken control and I was not me anymore. I decided to start eating better, exercise, getting myself healthy, after seeing some of their suggestions. That is what made Megan come back. It took a couple months and more emotional times to finally start to feel like myself again. I consider myself lucky, that I could handle it on my own, but I deeply regret not talking to a friend or family about what I was going through. I didn't really know though. I knew I wasn't myself, but I didn't understand why. My case was not severe. I was lucky there too. But too often this kind of thing doesn't get talked about and then builds and builds until it is overwhelming.

I know I am not the only mom that has gone through this. If you are having a hard time after having a baby talk to someone. Don't think you have to be strong and do it all on your own, you have friends and family you can talk to. I promise other moms have been through it. And pregnant moms, don't let this scare you. You will be fine. But please be aware that it is real and that you have to take care of yourself after you have a baby too, just the little one.

A little secret...

So I have a secret. Okay it's not actually a secret, it's just not something I talk about or get asked about, so it just is what it is. Anyways, here it goes, I still breastfeed Brynn. Okay it's not that big. It actually effects very little of my life right now and unless you are at my house at nap or bed time, you probably wouldn't know. But I know that having a 13 month old and still breastfeeding is not the norm. At least here in the US. But honestly it doesn't seem weird to me. Not now that I am doing it.

I do want to clarify though, I am not one of those moms that will tell you breastfeeding is the only way and that if you give your child formula you are wrong. Please, every mom knows what is best for each child of hers and for herself. With Mady I both breastfed and formula fed for 7 months before I switched to all formula. I knew that was best for her and myself at the time. When I had Brynn I was determined to breastfeed for 6 months, and once I reached the 6 month point Brynn just wasn't ready to give it up and honestly it wasn't interfering too much in my life, so I kept going. Now at 13 months I nurse 2 or 3 times a day and I'm fine with it. Brynn drinks whole milk and eats all kinds of solids and is growing normally.

Why write this? Why tell people when I don't really have to? I am tired of both sides of people who argue about this. The moms who preach that breastfeeding is the only way and that if you give formula you are wrong (those moms annoy the crap out of me). Then the people that think it is just too weird to breast feed past a certain arbitrary point because it's weird. I agree and think it's weird to see a 4 year old breastfeeding, but that is that mom's decision and if she wants to do it, good for her. Her decision in no way effects my life, so why should I care. This goes for many parenting decisions. Why does everyone think thy have a right to tell others how to parent? I understand there are some health and safety issues that I think it's okay to intervene with. A baby not riding in a car seat, yes someone needs to say something. A mom choosing to use a swaddle or not, or let their baby sleep with them, or have a c-section by choice is not harming the child, is not harming anyone around them, so why should anyone else get a say.

Okay this is kind of rambling, but my point is, let parents raise their own children. Shut your mouth, keep your opinion and advice to yourself unless asked and let moms and dads figure it out. And new mommies, don't be so nervous you think you need advice on everything. Go with your gut. You know your baby like no one else. You love your baby unlike anyone ever will. You will screw up. At some point your baby will fall off of something and probably be fine. Don't panic and think you are horrible mom. Every mom has done it. Mady fell off the bed in the bouncer seat at a couple months old. Yep it was horrible and scary and she was fine. They both rolled off the couch at some point, and now that they walk and run they fall all the time. Just stop judging other parents and them be.

This week's obsession: Pumpkin

Please tell me I am not the only one that has been obsessed with Pumpkin recently. Just the idea of it being fall (even if the weather here doesn't show it most of the time) makes me want to have pumpkin. So finding recipes on Pinterest for pumpkin anything just makes me happy. This week I decided to try a couple.  In case you have never cooked with pummpkin, please make sure you get just plain pumpkin and not pumpkin pie mix in a can.  They are different, and right next to each other in the grocery.

First I made pumpkin muffins from a mix that I have had for almost a year. Why I didn't use it before is beyond me, because they are delicious. A great way to keep the calories down on muffins is to make mini muffins. I still get the taste and the muffins I am wanting with half as many calories.

The next thing I made was Pumpkin Fluff from recipe-diaries.comIt is delicious and super easy to make. The biggest test in my household as to if a dessert is good is Mady. She is a picky eater, and this she seems to love. We call it pumpkin pudding for her, she likes pudding. I didn't make any real changes to the recipe, except it does say to use 1 1/2 oz of vanilla pudding. The small boxes are just 1oz, so I just used one box. I think it is still awesome! Also I'm not sure where they got the calorie count from, mine was a little higher, but no big deal, just don't have a ton at one time and you should be good.

Yesterday I decided I wanted to make Pumpkin Chocolate chip cookies. I wanted to make a lower calorie version so I decided to go with a cake/pumpkin mix type of cookie. I have found a recipe at Runs For Cookies that looked good and simple, and low calorie for plain pumpkin cookies, so I decided to use this idea and create my own. Mostly because I didn't have a spice cake mix, only yellow cake, and I'm cheap so I decided to use what I had. So here's what I did.

Ingredients:
15oz can pumpkin
1 Yellow Cake mix
1 tsp vanilla
Pumpkin Pie Spice to taste
1/2 cup chocolate chips

MIx Pumpkin and cake mix until smooth, then add the rest and mix through. Using a spoon or ice cream scooper drop spoonfuls onto greased cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes. They are cake cookies so they puff up like cake.

These do not have a strong pumpkin taste, I think next time I would add more spice than I did, but they are delicious. I like cake cookies, a lot because I love cake, so I think they are great. I got 32 cookies out the mix, I think next time I could get 36. My calorie count for these was about 72 calories a cookie. If you take out the chocolate chips it's even lower. Overall they are a tasty cookie that I will make again. Everyone in my house likes them! (If you have never made cookies from cake a mix like this, know that they are sticky when cooled and stay that way) Below are my cookies, aren't they a pretty color!?

My Work Out Schedule

I am no expert at working out and I still do my best at times to find excuses to not work out. Thankfully Steven is a big encourager of me and he gives me the push to get my butt out the door when he knows I need to. I have had several people ask what I am doing and how often I work out now. I want to start with when I workout. Pretty much when I can find time and my kids are asleep, most of the time. Having one set exact schedule for some things is great, but if you have a a spouse, kids, friends, family, a job, a life at all you are going to have to alter your schedule and work around things to make working out a part of your life. You are going to be able to find excuses not to do it. But finding time and getting your butt in gear is the first step. So find a time that works for you. And if that is in the morning some days and at night others, then do it. At least you are doing something.

So on to how I work out. When I started I was just walking. We would walk and walk and walk everyday. Typically the goal was to walk 30 minutes a day. Eventually I started doing Jillian Micheal's 30 day shred a few times a week. Then we started jogging during some of our walks, and I added in JIllian Micheal's kickboxing. And a few weeks ago I got the chance to join a bootcamp at my neighbor's once a week. I have gradually increased what I do and how often I do it. This has helped me keep motivated and keep going. It is easy to get bored with working out if you are doing the same thing everyday, so I would encourage people to try different things. If you are just beginning to work out and thinking that walking is the best place to start, then try just varying your route, or going a little farther each day. If you do work out videos or can get to the gym try different things that interest you. Get involved in different activities. You will start to feel better like you can do more but you have to get yourself started.

Right now I am walking 6 - 7 days a week, running 2-3 times a week, doing a workout video 2-3 times a week and doing a bootcamp workout 1 time a week. Wow that sounds like a lot more when I write it down. 8 months ago I didn't think I would ever be able to workout more than once a week. And I never thought I'd be able run a mile. But I can. It has not been an easy road though.

If you are like me you want to be able to see how often you are working out and what you are doing. So a couple months ago I got a big teacher calendar to be able to write down how many miles we are walking and how often I am working out. It has also turned into a master calendar for our family. I also write down our goals for the month. How many miles we want to walk and how many separate work outs I want to do. This month we want to walk 50 miles and I want to do 20 work outs. Hopefully that will help put me closer to losing the 8lbs I have left for the year :)

Getting Ready for Halloween!

Halloween isn't my favorite holiday, I'm more of a Christmas girl. But I do think it's a fun time to dress up and the kids get candy, and the parents sneak a little. I love to see all the little kids dressed in their adorable costumes and I'm excited that Mady is a little more excited about Halloween this year and getting the whole concept a little more. She was very excited to pick out her costume, which she ended up choosing Minnie Mouse, kind of a surprise after she talked about a princess crown for like a month. We have yet ot find one for Brynn yet. They had none in her size that I liked, but there is still lots of time, so I'm not worried.

Something different here in San Diego that I don't think I had ever really seen or noticed I guess is people decorating for Halloween. I remember people putting out some little things in Indiana and Texas, but nothing like people here. They really get into it. So we decided to join the Halloween decorating trend last year, nothing big, but we did get some things. It's fun for the girls to help with.

This year I decided to get a little crafty and try out making a wreath for our door. It was ambitious for me, because I've never done it at all. It didn't end up being exactly what I thought it would but I do think it is really cute.  I got the idea from Pretty Dity who made an adorable one and I thought I could do soemthing similar.  It's just a straw wreath (still wrapped in plastic), with yarn wrapped around it, and then decorated.  It was not hard to do or that expensive, the part that took the longest was wrapping it in yarn.  I knew I was only goign to do one color, because I would get obssesive about making sure each color had the same amount of yarn and that would start to annoy me.  So anyways, here it turned out.  What do you think?

This weekend we also went to a pumpkin patch, which really was more like a mini fair.  They had food stands, face painting, a hay ride, a straw maze, tons of stuff.  The girls loved it!  We had lots of fun and found pumpkins for both girls. And Steven got to try his first funnel cake, so it was a great day for all of us.  

It will hurt!

  

I saw this yesterday on Facebook and couldn't help but think of how true it is.  I have seen it before floating around Pinterest and such, but I really understand it now.  Having and meeting a goal is hard.  If you want to lose weight, get yourself in shape, meet a physical goal it is likely that at some point it is going to hurt.  Literally you may injure yourself., but also it is going to hurt you a little to say no to things sometimes.  And you are not going to wake up one morning and have lost 15lbs or be able to run a marathon.  You have to make changes to your life to see the results that you want.  Any pill or things like that, which tell you you don't have to make changes to your eating or exercise routine to lose weight or change your body is a lie and probably extremely unhealthy for you.  Don't do it.  Anyways, I like this quote because it's true.  Because it's hard.  People often ask me how I have lost weight and made the changes and while I can tell you how I eat a lot more vegetables and fruit and cut back on my total calories.  Or how I get up early to workout before my kids are awake, that really is just half of it.  You also have to make sacrifices, you have to dedicate yourself to your own health, you have to have the willpower to keep going even when you can't see the results right away.  You have to make healthy decisions.  

I will not lie and tell you that it is easy to do this.  It's not.  But it's also not the hardest thing I've ever done.  On days when it seems to be too hard sometimes I think of the hardest thing I've ever done.  It is extremely hard for me to talk about even 2 1/2 years later, but the hardest thing I have ever done is tell my husband that his brother was killed in Afghanistan, over the phone, while he was also deployed.  I am not looking for your pity.  While it is still hard for me to talk about I have found strength in Geoff's death and the obstacles that we have overcome since then.  I am able to think of the moment my parent's sat me down and told me what had happened or when Steven called and I had to put aside my sorrow and be strong for my husband.  I think of those moments on the days when I think I can't exercise or run farther or I want to give this all up.  While it may make me sad I am also able to  remember the strength I had in those moments and remind myself that I have that strength still in there.  This is easy in comparison.  

So I encourage you to find your own strength.  Think of the moments that you have overcome a huge obstacle or been stronger than you think you can, then use that strength that's in you.  II promise when you finally meet a goal, you will feel strong.  And all the sacrifice will be worth it.  

And today I have lost 70lbs!!!  Yay!!!  Just 10 more to my next big goal!!

I DID IT!! One Goal Down!!

Yesterday afternoon was hectic around here. You know those days where you are just ready for it to be over. When you just want to take a few minutes to yourself. Normally I would have told Steven that before dinner I was going to go for a run, but it was hot and we had to run an errand, so that wasn't going to work out. So I had to go ahead and wait till after the girls were in bed. This was the first time I was going to run after dark, not that I am scared or anything, I just usually don't. But I needed to. I needed to get my frustrations of the day out.

So I walked over to a park area near our house where a baseball team was practicing, so there were lights and I ran around the outside of the second field. I began by promising myself I would run around it once (I had no idea how far it was), then I realized as I was getting back to the beginning that I could do it again. So I did it twice, no stopping, but I knew I could do more. Soon I was on my 5th time around wondering how far I had gone feeling like that was it I couldn't run any farther without walking a little. I knew it was farther than I had ever run without stopping, but I still didn't know how far. So I pulled my phone out of my bra (yes I know I should get one of those arm bands or something) and saw that I was at .79miles. I was surprised I had gone that far, and it just made me all that more determined to finish out and run a mile. So I kept on myself and I kept running and running. And the next thing I knew I heard the 1 mile mark!! I ran a whole mile without stopping!!! I was so excited!! And the funny thing is I started to walk for about half a block and decided I wanted to run more! So I ran a couple more blocks and headed home.

I was and still am very proud of myself. I didn't think I was going to be able to run a whole mile without stopping until I had lost a lot more weight. I know there are some people who could not run at all and go out and just run a mile and do it faster than I did. But that has never been me. I am not a runner. But I proved to myself last night that I can do it. My time was not fast. It took 12:30 which is not fast. It actually is the same amount of time it takes me to walk and run it combined. But I ran the whole thing. I didn't let myself stop. And you should know that before last night the longest I had run without stopping was just over 1/4 mile. And now that I know I can do it, I am excited to work on getting my time faster!

You may be wondering what would keep you motivated? Well honestly I kept thinking about how I just wanted to go farther than I had before. Then I kept telling myself that it was be awesome to be able to walk in the door and tell Steven that I had finally accomplished one of my goals. I even thought about the show Extreme Makeover: Weigh loss edition. I love that show (I dislike the Biggest Loser). And one thing that I notice everytime I watch that show is that the trainer, Chris, pushes the people to go beyond what they think they can do. Which you should do each time you work out, but this time I kept thinking about one of the men who weighed 400+ lbs and he made him run and run, and just kept telling him to move his legs. No matter how fast he was going he was to keep his legs moving. I knew that if a man who weighs hundreds of pounds more than me could keep his legs moving and run, I could too.

So I am proud myself today. I didn't think I would be able to run that far and I did. It also gives me motivation to find a race to sign up for. I do not expect to win or anything, but I would love to try sometime. I challenge you to keep trying for that goal you don't think you can reach. Give it your all and see what happens.

Pumpkin decorating for toddlers

Well my craftiness attempts are in full swing this week. We went to Micheals on Sunday and spent more than expected, but this project was a pretty cheap one and can be reused many times. I took my inspiration for this from a post I have seen many times and thought was really cool on pinterest. It is the felt Christmas Tree that you can redecorate over and over.  I thought it was really adorable and I know at Christmas I want to give it a try, but I started to think why couldn't I do something like that for Halloween too.  So I did!  And it's super easy and cheap.

I decided I would make felt pumpkins with different eyes and noses and mouths.  It is definitely an easier way for the girls to get to decorate pumpkins than actual pumpkins.  So I picked up Orange, Green, and Black felt from Micheals.  I knew I wanted to make 4 pumpkins so I could have a couple extra, because let's face it with toddlers things get destroyed often in our house.  On Sunday night I cut out the pumpkins and decorations for them, along with some leaves and vines. It took me maybe an hour, because I cut out lots of differnt faces.  But I figured they are mix and match so the girls will get lots of uses out of them.  I did decide to get googly eyes to put on some, because they are fun, and were pretty cheap.  And after playing around with it, I found that it would be best if the pumpkins had some sort of packing to make them a little harder.  So I searched the house to figure out what to use, and I found file folders.  They are hard enough to make them a little tougher, but they are still flexible and easy to use and store.

Yesterday I gave the girls the chance to try out their new pumpkins and Mady loved them. Brynn liked it okay, but still is a little young to understand what to do. It didn't keep Mady occupied for hours or anything, but about 20 minutes, and she said she wanted to do it again. So I am happy about how it turned out. Oh and I mentioned that it is cheap. Here is how much we spent on this.
Felt - .30 each * 10 pieces = $3
Googly eyes - $1
Hot Glue Gun - Had it
File Folders - Had them (if you don't have a box, it's worth picking some up just to have some around)
Total Cost - $4.00 and could be less if you use less felt and no silly eyes.

I am also working on a second project right now. A Halloween wreath, well a double wreath actually. I finished one part, and I am working on the second. Hopefully I finish it this week and it turns out as cute as I want. I guess we'll have to wait and see!