I must be crazy

A couple weeks ago I had a crazy idea. Okay its not crazy, but it kinda is. I have started Insanity again. I started on Saturday and I decided this time I will only do 5 times a week. If you follow the calendar with the program it is 6 times a week. But 5 times will be effective too. I told my mom about this yesterday and she asked me why I was going to do it again and I thought it was a good question. I had to think for a minute. Why am I choosing to do this again. Well In the 4 weeks that I took off from doing it, I still lost weight and I still worked out and I felt good. It was really nice to be able to choose what workouts I wanted to do. But I kept coming back to insanity workouts. I found myself wanting to do it. Yep I know that is crazy. But I think other people that have done the whole Insanity program will agree. It is is kind of addicting. I think its the results too. I loved my results from the program. It wasn't just the weight loss, it was the way my whole body changed. It's the curves that I got. The little muscles in my arms. The way clothes started to fit better. I enjoy those results.

Now please don't think that I am advising everyone does Insanity, I am not. It is a hard program and not for everyone. But I do think it is important to find a workout or different workouts that you enjoy doing. Even if maybe you hate it during the workout. I hate squat jumps and power jumps and and suicide jumps, they all suck, but they are effective. When we started Insanity the first time I didn't think I could do it. I thought after a couple weeks I would be done. It was a huge challenge but I did it the first time and I know I can do it again. And it has given me the confidence to know I can do other workouts. I have even picked out the program I want Steven to get me for my birthday already. I'm going to do it during deployment so I can be a total hottie when he gets back :)

I even took measurements this time so I can see my results in inches this time! It's the first time I have take measurements at all since beginning this. I of course wish they were lower, but I know that over the last year they have decreased a lot, so I keep that in mind. And I know they are going to get smaller!

I didn't workout...

I didn't workout last night. I had planned on working out all day. I didn't eat completely the greatest yesterday, so I should have worked out, but I didn't. It was a great decision. Instead of working out I ate ice cream and popcorn, watched Modern Family and Burn Notice and spent time with my husband. It was great. Yes this morning I had gained a little weight, but I don't feel bad about it. Our lives have gotten a little crazy lately. We have a lot going on and stress levels are high. So when Steven got home before dinner last night I was relieved and extremely happy to see him. I told him I planned on working out after the girls were in bed, and he said that was fine. But sometimes as a wife you know when it's not. I don't ever want my family to think that working out is more important than them. My husband and children and the most important people in my life. I wanted to make sure that Steven knew that. So after I put Mady in bed I told him I wasn't going to workout. I was going to hang out with him. I think I surprised him. This isn't the first time ever that I have not worked out, I always take one night off a week, but usually it is planned. Usually we have a plan for the night and we won't eat anything crazy, because I won't want to add the extra calories, but last night we did. I was the one who said Baskin Robbins sounded good. And when he suggested popcorn, I agreed to do both.

Working out and eating right is important. I will continue to do both things to help me lose weight, but I never want my family to miss out on me because of them. When I told Steven that working out was not going to replace spending time with him he said "Really?" That broke my heart. I am lucky right now that he gets to come home, even if it just for a few hours and isn't every night. There are many guys on his ship that are away from their families and will not see them for the next year. So don't take your family for granted. Sometimes you have to do something small but unexpected to show them you care.

My Food Rules

First off, I just had this whole post almost completely written and then the stupid thing kicked off. Ugh! This is why you save save save, I know. Anyways I want to share my 2 food rules that I have for myself. Yeah its a little weird to have food rules, but I do. And I don't follow them to a T. Maybe I should say call the guidelines. I don't know.

1. If I want vegetables or fruit that are prepared or served in a healthy way (meaning not covered in cheese or dipped in chocolate) I eat it. If I want an orange or an extra helping of vegetables at dinner, even if I have used up all my calories I have it. These are foods that are good for you. You need to eat them. You have to eat fruits and veggies. Find ones you like, try different kiinds of preparations, Eat them! And eat as many as you want. It will or should help you not eat all the other things that we don't need. Maybe you will find a fruit you like as much as chocolate (if you do, let me know). Or you could realize you don't need to make potatoes, pasta, or rice with every dinner, because you make extra veggies you have leanred to love.

2. Now this one has to be a little more flexible, but I try to eat fruits, vegetables, and lean meats or protein first on my plate. So if we have chicken, broccoli, zucchini, and mac n cheese for dinner, I will eat the first three things first, then just have a small helping of mac n cheese, if I want it. Sometimes i don't, sometimes I will go with rule 1 and get more veggies. I try to do this even if we are having pizza (a favorite around here). Most of the time I will have a salad with low calorie dressing before I eat my pizza. Oh and I typically just put one piece on my plate and the pizza stays on the counter. So if I want more I have to get up to get it and really think about it.

Those are my 2 food rules. I do also have one workout rule. Do it. Workout. If you can't or want to start slower just move your body in some way. Walk, do pushups, jumping jacks, stairs. Something. Move your body!!

I could just leave you with that, but this is my blog and I want to remind everyone of how cute my kids are. (Despite the incessant whining and tantrums that happened today)

Am I happier??

First off I apologize for my lack of new posts recently. I feel like I have just been busy with lots lately. I usually will think about blogging, then end up in the middle of something else. But I am going to try to do better. I promise.

Anyways, so I have been asked lots of questions about my weight loss. My parents asked me some good ones while they visited this weekend and that got me to thinking about some of the other things people have asked and wondered. So I am going to address just one of those today. To me it's an interesting question with an answer that may be kind of surprising.

Am I happier now?

When I was asked this question originally I was kind of thrown off. Am I happier? Am I happier with what? With myself? With my life? With my health? With my body? So I have thought about it. And here is the truth. I was pretty happy before. I have a great husband and 2 beautiful daughters who are hands down the greatest source of joy in my life. I think any good parent would say that. So I was very happy with my family, although some things have changed and there are some ways that I am happier. I have talked before about how I was battling some baby blues after having Brynn and losing weight did help me get out of that, but I don't think I would say that losing weight has directly made me happier with my family. I can run and play more, which my kids like, so maybe they are happier, but I truly was happy with my family before.

Happier with my health and body? Well I am definitely happier with the fact that I can walk up stairs and run and workout without wanting to die. I like that clothes fit better and I can buy from stores I couldn't before. I haven't had a physical in a while, but I am sure that I am in better physical condition than before. I know that i am healthier, so this area, I would say yes I am happier with.

Happier with myself? This is a harder question. Well not so much harder, just different. To me I am the same person I was a year ago. The 280lb Megan is not that much different than the 180lb Megan. I loved myself before. I thought I was a pretty great person before all of this I was happy with things I had accomplished in life. Before this I looked in the mirror and while I knew I needed to lose weight, that didn't mean I loved myself any less. I even thought I was pretty attractive. I am and have always been smart, funny (okay thats up for debate), and a kind person. Losing 100lbs does not change that about a person. Losing weight is not going to make a mean cold hearted person all the sudden and pleasant lovely person to be around. That isn't how it works. Losing weight can change a lot about a person, but it will not change who you are.

If you want to do this, if you want to make a big life change, you have to love yourself first. You have to be happy first. Because losing 20, 50, 100lbs, isn't going to change everything. Yes it can make you happier with your body and your health and perhaps will help change other things, but if you aren't happy with yourself first, you are never even going to want to make these changes. Or they won't stick at least. Love yourself first. Be happy with who you are first. In the mirror I still see the same Megan from before. The same Megan from college, high school, elementary school. I am still the same person. More grown up, yes, but the same person my parents taught me to love as a child.

So am I happier? We'll go with a yes and no on that one.

100lbs!

I am still in shock myself to be able to say I have lost 100lbs. I knew it was coming but still surprised I actually did it. I have always had the goals to get it done, but have never been able to stick with it till now.

Tomorrow I will write about how I've done it, although its not super interesting, but for now, I have some numbers and fun facts to share about my weight loss. I think they are fun at least, so I hope you do too!

Want to be able to comprehend a little more how much 100lbs is. Here are some things that weigh or add to 100lbs.

*A 2 month old foal, yep a horse. That makes me laugh that I've lost a small horse.
*5 car tires
*4 two year olds, for us it is a Mady + a Brynn + an Oso (the dog) + another 2 year old
*2 small bales of hay
*About 12 gallons of milk

So 100lbs is nothing to scoff at. Want some more fun numbers, I like numbers. I've always liked math.
*My highest weight without being pregnant was 295lbs (Sept 2009) and BMI 46%
*Starting Stats from this journey (Febraury 2012) Weight 280lbs and BMI 43.8%
*Current Weight 180lbs and BMI 28.2%
*Starting pant size was a 24, which I had been wearing for probably 5 or so years.
*Current pant size 12/14, which I haven't worn since like 8th or 9th grade I think, so probably 13 years ago. Which I just realized is half my life ago. Wow.
*Shirt Size before XL/XXL
*Shirt Size now M/L (okay I have bought one M sweater, but I am pretty proud of that)

And yes I am slightly embarrassed to put those numbers out there, but seeing how far I have come, I feel really good about it. To get a better view of my progress I decided to take some more pictures. There are a few before and after pictures, and also one picture of me in my size 24 pants and my size 24 wedding dress.

Feb 2012 - 280lbs, Jan 2013 - 180lbs

No way I could wear those 24s now!

This dress was literally only staying on because of the halter. I think It will need taken in a little.

What's my next goal, how much more do I have to go?? I'm not sure actually. I want to lose more weight, because I know I can and I will be healthier if I do. I also know I will eventually figure out exactly how much I want to lose, but at this point I just want to get to a point where I feel healthy and comfortable with where I am. We'll see when that happens, but for now I will keep working out 4-6times a week and eating well. With a little added chocolate in there, because I truly believe everyone needs chocolate in their life :)

My New Goals!

It's a New Year, which mean new year resolutions. I'm more of a goal girl myself, resolution just sounds like something hard to do, so I call them my new goals. I know some people think it is silly to make new goals or resolutions, but have you ever done it? Have you ever actually made real goals that you think are attainable, but will require work, and written them down and put in the effort to do it? If you have, great, I'm sure even if you didn't complete your goal, you feel good about your effort. If you haven't, give it a try. Write down one thing, it could be something that seems small even, but try. Maybe it will make you a better person and you will find new joy from it.

Last year was the first time I actually wrote down goals and put in effort. Yep it took me all of January to come up with actual legitimate goals and get up the nerve to begin trying. Why did I have to work up the nerve? I was afraid of failing. (And I was dealing with baby blues issues.) So you don't have start right now with your goal, think about it. Actually think about something you want to do and accomplish. I wanted to get healthy and lose weight. To do that I had to take several steps and realize that what I needed to do was make whole lifestyle changes. Maybe you don't have to do quite that much. Maybe you just need to start saving $100 a month, or sign up for a class, or read. But what is holding you back from doing it, from setting goals for yourself. I've seen many people who have said they don't make resolutions, which is fine. Less than half of the people in the US do. And less than that keep it. But why not make a goal for yourself for this year. Or even this month. Why not start small. Want to read more? Make a goal to read a couple books this month. I have also seen people who say they want to just be a better person and at church this week I was reminded that making resolutions to help others is important. So if you say you want to just do better, make a goal. Decide you want to help one person or volunteer once a month. Do it. Write it down. Make an effort. And yes your goals can change. Life happens, and things change. You have to be willing to make changes to accomplish your goals sometimes.

Last January I spent time and wrote down goals. I had different categories and different goals within each. Eventually I decided that I would focus my efforts on one area and really make it work. Thanks to to that, I lost 97lbs in 11 months. It wasn't just because I wrote it down, but because I wrote down a goal that I honestly thought with work I could accomplish I put in effort and I did it. I did more than I thought I could. So this year I have new goals. Some are specific, some are still more general. I like specific goals though. So my less specifics goals, I am going to take time and see how things go and then try to narrow them down. A lot of my goals are pretty normal for people, and that's okay.

2013 Goals
*Lose more weight to get to a point where I feel healthy and comfortable. (I do now, but I feel like I could lose more still and be healthier)
*Workout 200 times
*Run and entire 5k
*Read 25 books
*Find something to enjoy for myself to make me a better person (see very general still)
*Stick to a budget
*Save more money/Pay off Mazda
*Finish some unfinished projects (I have started a whole long list of mostly little things, but still things that are unfinished)
*Finally get my house organized (harder to do with toddlers)
*Play more, worry less
*Help people (looking into specific ways that are good for our family to do)

I have more, but you don't need to now every single thing I want to do this year. I do challenge you though. Try making a goal. Don't be intimidated. And try to think of how your goal can help others. Even trying to make goal happen can make you feel good.