Overcoming the hardest part

I was recently asked to answer some questions for another blog that a friend of mine is starting. None of the questions seemed that difficult, but one did end up taking a little more thought. "What have been your hardest struggles throughout this journey?"

In the beginning I thought it would be very difficult to change what I ate and start working out. I thought I would struggle with wanting the wrong foods all the time. In the beginning it was tough to eat less and figure out foods that would truly fill me up, but now that I've been doing it for a while I find that my body no longer craves, McDonald's or bad for you foods (okay occasionally I crave pizza). Thankfully I have also been able to adjust my foods and if I am craving something too badly and can't find a healthy alternative to it I can have a little and I will satisfy the craving and be good for a while.

I also have found that my body craves exercise. I want to feel good. I want to energy for the day. So I want to get up and workout. We recently got a kickboxing DVD and I am loving it. It is hard, but I want to do it. I want to be able to get up and feel good and sweat. I thought finding the time to workout would be a problem too, but I have found that since I am dedicated to this, I make the time. I get up early. Steven will workout with me sometimes, so I don't feel like we are missing time together. I have found ways to make the time. If you really want to do it, you will make the time.

So what has been the hardest part? I sat and thought and thought. I finally figured it out. The hardest part of it all was overcoming myself. It was telling myself that I could do it, on days that I thought I couldn't. That is still a struggle. There are days when I think there is no way I am possibly going to lose another pound. That this is it. I can't do anymore. But I can. And some days it just takes finding that little voice in myself reminding you that you can work harder, that you can be better. It is hard. But you have to push past your own self doubt and do it.

I have always thought of myself as the fat girl. I was always confident in that I was good in school and at work, but I always struggled with that feeling of being that fat girl. It is difficult to push past those thoughts and tell yourself that you are not defined by that. That you can be someone else. You have to put those feelings aside that you have some kind of label and become the person that you want to be. The funny thing is, most people do not see you as the label you have given yourself. It is internal. Something you have to overcome. And it is hard, but you can do it. I have. I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend and a woman who wants to be the best she can. But no matter what weight I am I refuse to be that fat girl to myself anymore.