Am I happier??

First off I apologize for my lack of new posts recently. I feel like I have just been busy with lots lately. I usually will think about blogging, then end up in the middle of something else. But I am going to try to do better. I promise.

Anyways, so I have been asked lots of questions about my weight loss. My parents asked me some good ones while they visited this weekend and that got me to thinking about some of the other things people have asked and wondered. So I am going to address just one of those today. To me it's an interesting question with an answer that may be kind of surprising.

Am I happier now?

When I was asked this question originally I was kind of thrown off. Am I happier? Am I happier with what? With myself? With my life? With my health? With my body? So I have thought about it. And here is the truth. I was pretty happy before. I have a great husband and 2 beautiful daughters who are hands down the greatest source of joy in my life. I think any good parent would say that. So I was very happy with my family, although some things have changed and there are some ways that I am happier. I have talked before about how I was battling some baby blues after having Brynn and losing weight did help me get out of that, but I don't think I would say that losing weight has directly made me happier with my family. I can run and play more, which my kids like, so maybe they are happier, but I truly was happy with my family before.

Happier with my health and body? Well I am definitely happier with the fact that I can walk up stairs and run and workout without wanting to die. I like that clothes fit better and I can buy from stores I couldn't before. I haven't had a physical in a while, but I am sure that I am in better physical condition than before. I know that i am healthier, so this area, I would say yes I am happier with.

Happier with myself? This is a harder question. Well not so much harder, just different. To me I am the same person I was a year ago. The 280lb Megan is not that much different than the 180lb Megan. I loved myself before. I thought I was a pretty great person before all of this I was happy with things I had accomplished in life. Before this I looked in the mirror and while I knew I needed to lose weight, that didn't mean I loved myself any less. I even thought I was pretty attractive. I am and have always been smart, funny (okay thats up for debate), and a kind person. Losing 100lbs does not change that about a person. Losing weight is not going to make a mean cold hearted person all the sudden and pleasant lovely person to be around. That isn't how it works. Losing weight can change a lot about a person, but it will not change who you are.

If you want to do this, if you want to make a big life change, you have to love yourself first. You have to be happy first. Because losing 20, 50, 100lbs, isn't going to change everything. Yes it can make you happier with your body and your health and perhaps will help change other things, but if you aren't happy with yourself first, you are never even going to want to make these changes. Or they won't stick at least. Love yourself first. Be happy with who you are first. In the mirror I still see the same Megan from before. The same Megan from college, high school, elementary school. I am still the same person. More grown up, yes, but the same person my parents taught me to love as a child.

So am I happier? We'll go with a yes and no on that one.