I never thought I could...

2012 has proved to be a year for me to do things I never thought I could. I never thought I could make the life changes needed to lose the weight I needed to get myself healthy, but I have. I took steps that have made mine and my family's life better. So here is a list of things I never thought I could do, but did in 2012.

*Walk 50 miles in a month, completed in June.

*Run a mile. Have now done several times and working on getting my time down.

*Complete and intense workout program. We finished Insanity (which some fit people are scared to do) a week ago.

*Lose 50lbs by my brother's wedding. I lost 60lbs by then.

*Keep up with healthy life changes. In February I decided to make changes and have kept up with them.

I didn't think I could do these. But I did. I worked my butt off and have seen the good side of that. For once I have kept some of my New Year's resolutions and am so happy about it. So I am planning for 2013 now. Tomorrow I will write about my next set of goals. I don't like the term resolutions, it just sounds so boring and business like. I prefer to call them goals. It sounds more doable then.

Other things that happened in 2012

*Brynn learned to sit, crawl, walk and run.
*Mady potty trained.
*Brynn said her first words.
*Mady learned to talk like a "big girl".
*Steven was in the country for my birthday (First time since we've been married)
*My baby brother got married!
*We made a trip to Indiana!
*We had family visitors.
*We made several zoo trips, park trips, one Sea World trip, played, laughed, smiled, and had fun.
*The girls grew like weeds!

To prove the last one, check out the pictures.

Be your own kind of Mom

I use disposable diapers. I give my kids candy and cake and ice cream sometimes. I don't always buy organic, even the dirty dozen list. I made my own baby food for Brynn but not Mady. My kids are fully vaccinated. Only 2 times in her life has someone else put Mady in bed (and that was because I was in the hospital having Brynn). I have never spent an entire day away from my kids. Sometimes I yell and overreact. I have spanked Mady when she needed it. I still let Mady use a pacifier to sleep. Mady will only nap on the couch, not in her bedroom. My kids eat frozen chicken nuggets for lunch at least once a week. I don't sew or crochet or quilt or anything like that and i don't really want to. Sometimes at Target I let my kids get something from the dollar spot so I don't have to hear them whine. If you go to the grocery with me without throwing a fit you usually get a small treat afterwards. I don't always wipe down carts or public things my kids touch. My kids probably watch too much TV. I bribe Mady to eat vegetables with ice cream. I let both girls cry it out at some point. I did not nor do I want to babywear. My girls are not allowed to sleep in our bed, past 3 months. After they go to bed I do not open their bedroom doors unless they are crying or I am getting them up.

Call me a bad mom if you want. I'm not perfect and I don't try to be. And despite what may be seen as my downfalls as a mom, my kids are still growing and rarely sick. Every time the fridge is open Brynn goes for the carrots. Both girls love fruit. They go to the bed at the same time every night and typically stay there till morning. They have each learned to put themselves to sleep. They can each entertain themselves. They may fight, but do genuinely love each other. Both girls are very smart and get along with other kids. I sit and play with them everyday. We smile and laugh and giggle all the time.

I don't care if you think I am doing some things wrong as a mother. At some point you have to realize that you are you're own person, so you are your own kind of mom. I don't care if you use cloth diapers, don't vaccinate, wear your child everywhere, never watch TV and only eat organic. That's fine with me. As long as your children are healthy and happy you are probably doing okay. So to all my mom friends or soon-to-be mom friends, stop judging each other and worrying about what everyone else thinks. Raise your kids how you want. Love them. Enjoy them. And do get a glue gun (that can fix more toys than you know and prevent toddler meltdowns).

Insanity Results!

Merry Christmas! Well a day late, but still. I hope you had a great holiday, I know we did here. The girls were overwhelmed with all their new toys, books, and movies. They love them all and we are extremely grateful to be loved by so many people.

Well 2 days before Christmas Steven and I finished Insanity! I can't believe we actually did it, and it was hard and there were days we didn't want to do it and just quit. But we did. We kept going. Thanks to each others motivation.

During the 9weeks that we did it I lostt 20.5lbs and have seen my body change a lot. I don't by any means have slim legs or arms but I have definitely toned up. My waist is more prevalent now and I have developed kind of an hour glass shape, which is nice. I feel healthier and like can go any workout now. I was not able to do every single move or keep up all the time with the workouts, but I did what I could and I pushed myself harder than I ever have when working out. My sweat would literally soak my clothes every night too. It was great.

Steven saw big changes too. His arms are much bigger, his chest is bigger and more toned. His belly is less flab and toned up too. I know it sounds mean, but it's not.

We both feel better and have been encouraged by our results. And I at least learned some things. Like I don't like being required to workout 6 times a week. It's a lot. And it got to be just too much at times. We skipped a couple of the recovery days which are once a week, just to get an extra day off. So with my next routine 5 days a week is the limit. I also learned that I can do so much more physically than I thought. There were exercises I'd see them do and think it was impossible for me, but I did it. It's nice yo feel so accomplished and proud of the changes I have made.

I did also learn once again that I should have taken measurements to have more than just my weight tracking the changes. Oh well. To be honest I didn't even take great before picture because I didn't think I'd actually end up finishing.

Now I am working on my 2013 goals! I am excited to see what the new year brings!

Oh and below are the before and after pictures from our Insanity challenge.

My Thank You to Teachers

I haven't posted since the shootings in Connecticut on Friday. I have thought and even started posts in my head, but haven't been able to come up with the right words. The truth is though there are no right words. Nothing I write will bring back those children or teachers. Nothing I say will comfort those who are hurting most. But I don't want to just move on and pretend like this didn't happen. It did happen. It has made me cry and pray and cringe and worry for the world. I don't know why this happened. And I don't know how to stop it from happening again, I wish I did. I wish this didn't make me worry for my own children, who will one day be at a school just like the one in Newtown. I wish we all could live in peace. I wish children didn't have to see this kind of horror. I wish parent's didn't have to know this kind of pain. Yet they do.

My heart goes out to those children. Although they are dancing in Heaven now and free of any pain or worries, so maybe we should be happy for that fact. I feel for the parent's who are grieving the loss of their children. No parent should have to bury a child, especially one who has just started life, who can barely read and had no idea what kind of evil could be in this world. I feel for the brothers and sisters who may have been in the school, and heard the shots, and could do nothing to save their siblings. I feel for the other children who were there, and had to see horrible things that no grown adult and definitely no child should have to see or hear. I feel for the first responders who probably can't sleep and keep reseeing the scene over in their head. Who went home and thanked God it wasn't their child they found in the school. I feel for everyone touched and effected by this.

I also want to write a bit about the teachers and school staff. They were the heroes in this story. I've read about the ones who put their kids in cabinets and closets and bathrooms and kept their children safe. The kids that have come to love. The kids in their rooms may not have been their own blood children, but these teachers loved and protected them like they were. Some gave their life doing it, just as any parent would. One story I read was about a teacher who hid her class in a bathroom and told them she loved them, because she thought that is what they should hear and know if they are going to die. They ended up surviving, but I couldn't help but be so moved by that. She knew and thought of these children and what their parent's would want. I don't care what the situation is, if something horrific is about to happen to my child I would want them to hear they are loved.

This horrible situation has made me think of my own teachers from years ago. The ones who I know without a doubt would have stood in front of a bullet for all their kids. The ones who would have done what they could to stop someone from harming us. I am thankful we never had a horrific incident, but I am also thankful for those teachers who I know would have been there. My 4th grade teacher Mrs. McClintock is the first to come to mind, and I know she would have been there hiding us and getting us to safety. I also think of my friends now who are teachers. I know that Monday morning they walked into their classrooms and looked around with special attention. They made a plan in their head what they would do, where they could hide kids, if they could get kids out the windows, what could be used as protection. Mentally they tried to prepare themselves for if it was their school, their kids.

I am thankful that their are teachers and school staff out there that love their children and school enough to be heroes and stand up to people who want to hurt or terrorize their school. Thank you to those who don't get paid enough to care and love, but you still do. Thank you for making it a little safer for all the kids you can.

Love Homecomings

So last night Steven and I watched Love Actually, yes I got to pick. And I was reminded of homecomings. If you haven't seen the movie it starts and ends with scenes of people coming home in an airport. I couldn't help but think of military homecomings. Deployment is one of the hardest things a military family will go through. It means months separated from your spouse. I could list all the bad things about deployment, but that is depressing, so let me tell you more about the good part. Homecoming.

If you are married or in a committed relationship you know it can be hard spending more than a few days without them. And that moment that they pull into the drive way or you pick them up at the airport it is awesome. My dad travelled a lot when I was growing up for his job. So I remember how happy and relieved my mom was when he would come home from a trip. Now picture that trip being months long. And it's not just a drive away or a couple time zones, but it's thousands of miles and a different continent away. When you have a homecoming then it is planned for. You clean your house top to bottom because you want it to be perfect. You make signs and decorate so they can feel welcome. You plan a special meal. You buy a special outfit. You plan for this for months. You start planning homecoming from the moment they let go of your hand and say goodbye. You stand waiting and waiting and then you see them. They come off the plane (or ship or bus) and finally you can touch them again. You can finally get that hug and kiss that you have wanted and needed for too long. It makes the months of separation seem a little worth it. I think everyone should get to experience something like that moment in their life.

We have done 3 homecomings since we've been married. 2 for good reason, 1 for not. A year from now I will prepping for homecoming with children. Something I haven't done. Hopefully the memory of the good 2 homecomings will keep me going through the deployment. At least you know the kids will keep me going. Until he leaves though we will enjoy our time together. And he will keep giving the dog a bath and cleaning the bathtubs. :)

Elmo and Patsy

So yesterday Steven and I were talking about Christmas music. I love Christmas music. I think it's fun and festive. But recently the lack of good versions of classic Christmas songs has made me a little sad. So I decided I was going to go in search of classic CDs I listened to when I was younger. Little did I know I would come across Elmo and Patsy, which is a tape we had when I was little. I remember listening to it constantly at Christmastime. It's made me do excited. I'm pretty sure Steven thought I was crazy. It is comical Christmas music, not exactly your typical expected love songs. Anyways it made me so happy and gave me so many memories of Christmas as a child.

It also made me a little sad. As much as I am excited for Christmas with my girls and Steven it's not easy being away from the rest of my family. I have very fond memories of Christmas with my family. We always had so much fun. But when I married a sailor I knew that's how it would be. We cannot be around for all holidays, or any sometimes. Our families live far from each other, so even if we choose to go to one, it means saying we can't to the other. It is hard knowing that my kids won't have the same memories I do. But we are making an effort to provide them with our own memories and traditions. They may only be toddlers, but it is still important to us. So we do crafts, we have fun places we are going this month. It should be an exciting month.

So despite my being a little sad, we will push through and have lots of fun. I will probably cry at some point because I miss my family, but I will be excited to share new memories with our family here :)

90lbs down!

Well today I finally got over a weight loss funk I was going through all last week. I yoyoed all last week going up and down a couple pounds, which was particularly frustrating because we started our second month of Insanity and I can tell you for a fact I am burning some major calories doing it. I thought month one was hard, and it is, but month 2 is crazy insane hard. We were so happy to have a day off yesterday. Anyways I stepped on the scale this morning and managed to get over the half pound I couldn't, so now I am down 90lbs!

I am excited to be feeling so good and happy with how far I have come. I also have to say I am proud of myself for coming this far without using any crazy weight loss diets or pills. I want to remind everyone I have done this all by eating healthy, watching my calorie intake, and working out. I have never skipped a meal. I have never ate just lettuce and carrots (or something crazy like that). I eat the foods I enjoy, even sweets and chocolate, just in moderation. It took a lot to teach myself to eat just a little. Yes it is hard to have just 1 cookie sometimes, and yes sometimes I eat more than I should. But that happens, that's life. I balance out the bad with good. I eat a lot more vegetables now, roasted veggies is one of my favorite things ever.

So now I push forward and even though I may not exactly want to work out tonight, I will, because I know I feel better when I do. I feel strong and healthy and like I can do it. Okay in the middle I am nearly crying at points because I don't think I can do anymore. But I do. I push myself to do more than I think I can. I know it is the holiday season and I actually got my beginning of inspiration to start this at the beginning of the holiday season last year. I don't think I have told anyone about this, but now I am thinking about it, so I will. Last year in December I had my follow up appointment after having Brynn (yes it was late, I cancelled, the doctor cancelled, it ended up being a few weeks late), anyways the appointment was with a midwife I had never seen before, but now if I was pregnant (which I am not) I would definitely go see her. She was a bigger woman, and had the same build as me. Just a few years older than me, and had a little boy a bit older than Mady. Yes we chatted. She asked me about my weight and at that point I weighed less than I did before I had Mady, which she was happy about, but she looked at me and she said that she had recently lost 50lbs and was working on losing more. She said she could lecture me all day about the health risks and why I should do it, but the reality is that I will finally do it when I am ready. I will take the steps to change my life when I am ready to do it. It always stuck with me. Two months later I began to change my lifestyle. And I thank her for saying that to me. She even said don't do it for New Years. Do it when you are ready, not because it is the beginning of a year and you want to make a resolution. I will likely not see her again, and she will never know if I actually began to get healthy. But her words and her honesty with me really stuck and I appreciate that.

So make the change for you and if you feel like now is the time to make a change in your life, whether it is healthy eating, getting out of a bad situation, or getting into a good one, do it when you are ready. You will know when it is time, even if it is in the middle of the holiday season when it may seem inconvenient, make the changes you need to when you are ready.