Being a better Mom

So I have never really participated fully in Lent. I did not grow up in a Catholic or Lutheran church, so I never did it. It didn't seem like a big deal to me. A few times I have tried things like giving up chocolate or sweets, I never really was successful at it though. But I also never really felt like that was something that God wanted me to do. But I do know that God wants me to be a better parent. He wants us all to be better parents. To be the best that we can. SO I set out to find some things that I can do to be a better Mom. So here is my little list of things I am trying to do to be the best Mom I can.

1. Yell less. I am not a big yeller. I never really have been. Steven and I don't have huge screaming matches or anything like that. But have you ever had a 2 year old? They don't listen to a darn thing you say sometimes. And it gets frustrating. And in frustration at times I will yell. But I am trying not to. I am trying to stay calmer and take a breath before I get to that point. I am not always successful. But it is helping. There are times that I think yelling is appropriate. LIke to warn of danger or call them if they are running away or something like that. But outside of those times, I am trying not to yell.

2. Put away the technology and to do list and play more. I will admit and I think a lot of honest parents will admit as well, that I am guilty of at times being on my phone or computer when it isn't really necessary. My children deserve my attention. And I make a decision to give it to them or not. So I am making the decision more and more to give it to them. To play more. To teach more. I ignore my phone more. I have turned off the TV and gone outside more. I engage more with my kids and its fun.

3. Let go more. Let my kids get dirty. Care less about whether their clothes match and more about letting them make decisions. Give them more opportunity to make decisions of their own. Yes they are only 2 & 1/2 and 1 &1/2, but they can still make simple decisions. Let them help more. This means at times that the dishes don't get put away exactly how I want or basic chores like sweeping take longer, but it does mean they are learning to help.

So I'm trying. I'm putting in an effort. Which I think at times as a Mom that's the most important thing. Even if your kids aren't in perfectly matching clothes with the perfect bow and shoes. If they are laughing and having fun and learning the right things from you, you are doing something right.

Feeling Good!

Well a couple days ago I was stuck in the 170s but I broke through that! I am happy to say I am down to 169lbs (111lbs down)! This seems big to me because of my next big goal. It may seem like a weird goal, but I think there are others who can understand.

So what is this next goal...I want to weigh less than my husband. Steven is a skinny guy, I have fattened him up a bit since we got married, but he is just one of those people that can eat whatever and not gain a pound. I know, darn him! So it's my upcoming goal and being in the 160s seems important for that because that is typically where Steven is. So I am feeling much closer to it!

I am also excited to be nearly halfway through with my second round of Insanity. I have one workout left until I get a rest week. I have learned some things in the past month of Insanity. The big ones being I workout best at night and I like "fighting" types of workouts. I love punches, kicks and such. So I am looking into MMA style workouts to do next. Crazy sounding, I know. But I think they look fun. And I think I could do it. I also have like 3 other workout DVDs and programs I am wanting to do, so I should stay pretty busy with them. Which is great to keep off the weight and keep losing!

This is a picture of me this morning! And an unnecessary of my girls, just because they are cute!

Getting Stuck

Okay so I haven't been blogging much recently and I feel like my lack of writing is directly related to my hard time losing weight. Recently I felt a bit at a stand still with my weight. I have been stuck around the 172lb mark. That is not bad, it is a long way from where I came, but it isn't where I want to end, so I know I can lose more. It is normal to hit a bump in the road when it comes to weight. It's normal to get stuck, but I haven't really gotten stuck yet. So this has been tough. I wouldn't say it is a plateau, I haven't been stuck on one weight for that long, I like to just think of it as stuck.

So I haven't written about it much because i didn't feel like it was a very fun thing to read about, but the truth is it's a real part of weight loss. This happens to not just me, but everyone at some point. This is real life, it's what just happens. So I want to talk about it a little. I know for me what it is, I know why I am stuck. It's my own fault. It's my eating. I have been working out great, keeping up with Insanity and it is still kicking my butt. Every time I still want to collapse afterwards, so I gotta be working pretty hard. But my eating has suffered.

I have gotten comfortable with my eating. Too comfortable. Around the holidays I would allo myself to have a little extra food or extra dessert so I didn't feel like I was missing out. Unfortunately that has kind of continued in a not great way. I have still been losing weight since the holidays, but its been harder. I've noticed myself feeling more worn down at the end of the day when it's time to workout. And I know it's because I've been eating too much junk. I will think to myself, well I am going to workout tonight, so I'll have an extra cookie. And doing that once a day isn't horrible, but doing it many times throughout the day, isn't the best.

Stress has also played a big role in my poor eating. In the past I have always turned to food for comfort in stressful times. I always found that a big piece of cake or some some chocolate could help me feel better. Well not really, but temporarily. Changing those habits are hard. It's hard to teach yourself not to just turn to food because you are stressed or sad. And trust me recently I've had lots of reasons to be stressed or sad, and I've tried eating and it just makes me feel worse. The next day whenI get on the scale and see no progress or weight gain I then will get a little down. Its just a vicious cycle. So I am putting in extra effort this week to eat better. Yesterday I ate more fruit and veggies, which for me is really key in weight loss. Keeping my belly full of good for you food, helps me stay away from the not great food.

Try not to let a little time of stuck get your down too much. It happens to everyone. Just this morning I was super excited to see I unexpectedly finally got to a lower weight. 171lbs. I was so happy I did my happy dance on the scale. Yes I have a little dance I do on the scale when I lose weight. Laugh if you want (it actually is funny), but it make sit a little more fun!

Out with the Old

So there are lots of great things about losing weight. One not great thing is the need for new clothes all the time. Okay it's not so bad going shopping, but when you know clothes aren't going to fit for that long, it's hard to want to spend money on them. So I usually stretch things. Especially jeans. I had been wearing jeans that were about a size too big and didn't realize how bad they looked and how much bigger they made me look until I wore a pair that were the right size.

The need for getting new clothes also comes with the need to get rid of clothes all the time. I have done 2 big purges of clothes and now have a laundry basket where I just put clothes now that need given away. It's kinda sad though. I recently tried on a dress that I have only worn a few times, I have it for probably 5 or more years. It's a little low cut and definitely not an everyday dress, but I had been keeping it thinking at some point I would have an occasion to wear it. But I tried it on and it is just far too big to even try to keep it. Honestly I have like 5 dresses hanging in my closet, but only 1 really fits. I just keep some to make it seem like i have more. Not for anyone else, just for myself. If I was being really honest with myself I would probably get rid of like half the clothes that are in my closet. But there aren't that many, and it would probably make me sad.


Its hard to get rid of clothes sometimes though. Its a mental war. It's like committing to being a smaller size. It's saying I will not gain that weight back. I will not get back to that point to wear those clothes. And the smaller the clothes I throw out, the harder it is. It was easy to get rid of the XXL clothes, I hated that size. The XL were a little harder and I still have a few, but still I was proud to be able to do it. Jeans are even harder. I have kept a pair of my biggest size, just to remind myself of how far I have come. I am currently wearing 12/14s and I am struggling to get rid of my 18s and 16s. I need to do it. While it is hard it also helps. It gives me no back up. I don't want to go back to those sizes, so I just need to do it.

Is there something you are trying to change in your life but you have been keeping a fall back? Something that will help you slip back into your old routines if you need? For me it would be easier to gain the weight back if I didn't have to face the music and buy bigger pants. So looks like I will be donating some clothes soon :)

Oh and this is my closet. See not that many clothes (it used to be completely packed full of clothes, now there is lots of extra space). And I can count like 10 of those shirts that I need to donate.

Having 1 cookie

I recently searched the Internet for things that change when you lose a large amount of weight. I was really looking for other people's blog and their personal experiences. What I found a lot of were articles written by people who clearly had never lost a large amount of weight, talking about your boost in confidence and overall health being better. It's not that those articles are wrong, but there is so much more to it than you can know if you've never done it.

I did find one blog that actually made me extremely sad for the person who wrote it. The woman was from the UK and her blog was about how she has lost weight. This particular entry she was writing about the changes that had happened since she lost weight. The thing that was sad were all the negative things she was writing about. Some of the things she talked about I could understand, but the rest made me sad for her. She talked about how she would crave things like cookies and never have them because she didn't want to gain an ounce, but then she would and she would just binge on them all day long. I completely understand craving something and feeling like you can't have it, but if you want something that badly, have a cookie. One cookie isn't going to hurt you that much. But when you have a binge on cookies that can make you not only gain a little weight, but feel so guilty. Then she talked about how all she thought about and talked about all the time was her weight loss and what she was going to eat and how she couldn't eat certain things. Trust me when you are i the middle of losing weight, it is all you think about sometimes. There are times I would kill to not think about the calories in the next meal I was going to have, or whether I was going to work out that night so I could have 2 cookies instead of 1. But It is not all I think about or all I talk about. Your life has to have fullness to it. It cannot revolve around losing weight or any one goal really. You need to be happy and working on all the areas of your life. Don't narrow yourself so much that all you can see is one part of your life and how it is going.

It's Valentine's Day week! I have treats that we are going to make this week and I excited to have a little of all of them (except the dog treats), and then give most of them away! Be ready for treat bags, neighbors!! Oh and did anyone see the Grammy's last night? I saw all of like 5 minutes, but I did see Kelly Rowland's "dress". I mean really people, put some clothes on!

1 year later

This post was supposed to be posted a few days ago, but there have been 2 deaths in my family this week and it just made it hard to write something happy. But after all the sadness I have seen and heard recently, I think some happy would be okay.

A year ago I made a decision to change my life. And it actually stuck. 108lbs later I can honestly say I am very proud of myself. And there have been a lot of changes. Big things, little things, lots of changes. So here are some. Please know that even the small things seem big sometimes :)

*I can walk up the stairs or even jog up the stairs without losing breath.
*I can jog. I can jog a mile plus some.
*I have confidence that I can complete almost any workout that you through at me. I may not be perfect and I may have to catch my breath a lot, but I can do it.
*Almost all of my clothes are different (except my pajamas, yes I need new pajamas)
*My tennis shoes have actually worn out. Like my pinky toe is nearly coming through them. I don't think I've ever done that. Yes Mom, I am getting new tennis shoes.
*I can pick up 2 toddlers without much struggle. A year ago I had a hard time picking up one toddler and one infant.
*I have muscles, okay they aren't big and you really really have to look, but I do have muscles in my arms.
*I don't look awkward in a sports bra and workout clothes.
*I have a waist.
*A regular bath towel wraps all the way around me. No gap in the front.
*I don't feel the urge to eat an entire box of cookies. Maybe a few, but not the whole box.
*I enjoy eating fruits and vegetables. Lots of them.
*This may be TMI, especially for guys, but my period is extremely regular, for the first time ever.
*People don't look at me because I am the biggest girl in the room.
*My wedding ring needs resized for the 2nd time.
*I can buy clothes at almost any store. Before I had to make sure the store had plus sizes.
*I often see those weight loss or workout infomercials and people on them are boasting of the large amount of weight they lost and I always think "wow that's awesome, they look so different", I then realize that I have lost that much or more weight!
*My "skinny" workout pants are starting to fall off of me.
*My life doesn't revolve around the next thing I am going to eat.
*I cross my legs all the time, because it is so much easier and not uncomfortable anymore!
*I look forward to that I'm about to puke or pass out feeling while working out. That is actually the feeling I go for at the end of a workout. I don't actually do those things, but I love getting to the point where I think I might.
*I now know that at the end of the day if I eat well I will have energy and not be exhausted after the girls are in bed. But if I eat poorly, I feel like falling asleep and doing nothing the rest of the night. Working out at night is much better if you aren't falling over tired.
*I can see my hip bones and the clavicle stands out. Weird yes, but I've never had that before.
*I suggest we do active things on the weekends!
*i can climb on the playground equipment without fear it will break! I even fit down slides!
*I can keep up with my kids at the playground!

Overall I am very happy with all the things I have accomplished. And the things I can now do. I have even gotten 30 workouts in this year (the 2nd round of insanity is kicking my butt right now). Only 170 more for the year! Oh and just yesterday I bought size 12 jeans! Half the size of where I began a year ago!