This may not seem big to you...

I have recently hit a big point for myself in weight loss. Although when thinking about it I realized that not everyone may appreciate it as much as others. And some may not think it is a big deal at all, yet for myself it is. So bear with me.

When I began losing weight, I had no idea how much weight I would want to lose. I still don't know an exact amount and really I try not to put too much stock into any one measure of weight loss. But I did know that there were more measures of weight loss than just your actual weight. Especially because at 5'7" 120lbs was going to look different on me than a woman that is 5'1". And no I don't aspire to be 120lbs. So I started using a BMI calculator on occasion to see where I was at. The BMI calculator uses your height and weight to give you an approximate percentage of body fat that you have. It's not perfect, but it is a good general measuring tool.

Anyways I've mentioned before that I have brought my BMI down quite a bit and I have now reached a new milestone with it. My BMI at the beginning of February was 43.8%, that is in the severely obese category. Other charts will call it morbidly obese. When I think about that I can't believe I ever let myself get that far. People who are morbidly obese are at higher risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes, stroke, and can cause breathing problems. On top of this as a woman it can cause fertility problems, I consider myself lucky to have had 2 healthy uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries at the weights I was at. When I think about that term morbidly obese it scares me. That means that my weight could have literally been a factor in killing me. Okay I know that your weight is not the only factor in health things, but it is something that I have control over and that i can do something about. I cannot control that all the negative things that are related to obesity run in my family. But this I can do something about.

Anyways, this past weekend my BMI entered a new category. I am now just overweight. Okay that may not seem that great, but when you consider I came from severely obese, crossed through the obese section, and am now overweight it doesn't seem so bad. I still want to get myself to the normal range and am working on that, but just knowing that I have come so far is encouraging to myself. Oh and my BMI is currently 29.9% (yes right into that overweight range).

If you want help in getting started losing weight and need encouragement or guidance on how to start, let me know. I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you the things that have helped me and point you toward different sources for help.

The holiday season in full swing!

I feel the need to apologize for not writing for so long. Turns out the past week was busy busy busy. And this week seems to be starting the same way.

Well we had Thanksgiving and it went great here! I have to say probably the best Thanksgiving food I have ever made. Now to wait another year to have all the yummy goodness again! I was convinced I would be gaining weight over the last week and had actually decided that as long as I didn't get over a certain point it would be okay. Turns out I lost weight over the weekend! I was pleasantly surprised. And it gave me hope that I can reach my next goal even sooner. 11lbs more to my next goal and I want to do it by February. And I are what I wanted. I didn't deprive myself, although I did eat less, purely because I physically cannot eat as much as I used to.

Last night we started our 2nd month of Insanity. It was hard. Really hard. I don't think I have ever worked out for an hour solid until last night. While it was hard, we could do it. I mean we took a lot if breaks, but we made it through. And we are looking forward to seeing what the other new workouts bring.

I don't know about everyone else, but I feel behind for Christmas already! We have gifts for the girls, but still have more to work on. I have started looking for Steven but haven't gotten anything. I have a great idea which is proving tough to execute without him finding out about. And now I am working on our 25 days of Christmas for the girls. 25 days of Christmas fun, crafts, things out of the norm. Cheap things :) I am ready to pull out our Christmas decorations, but waiting for Steven to help (there may be spiders in the boxes). And our tree will go up not too long from now. First we have to decide on where to put it. Turns out the more toys you have, the harder to find a place. Yes, a toy cleaning out is planned before Christmas. In fact donating a couple of toys is one of the things we are having Mady do this year. Brynn too but she has less say in which ones. We are excited to go see Santa this weekend and hopefully there are a lot less screams and unhappiness than when we tried to see Santa last year.

And try to remind yourself if you gained weight over Thanksgiving it's not the end of the world. You can get those pounds off again! That's what I tell myself every time I gain :) I know easier said than done sometimes.

Shopping on Thanksgiving

I am going Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving. Yes I know many many people are saying that you shouldn't because the workers should be home with their families, and I agree. I think people should be home with their families. I think stores should be closed on Thanksgiving day. I think that if you have to work on a holiday you should get extra pay. And to be honest there aren't any huge deals that we are trying to get. So why go you ask? Well it is the first and possibly only time Steven and I will be able to brave the crazy crowds of Walmart or Target shoppers together. it sounds silly, I acknowledge this. But Steven and I rarely have a chance to go out without the kids, and we refuse to take our children to go crazy shopping at ridiculous times of night. This year Steven's parents are here, so they can stay with the girls (who will be fast asleep) while we go out. Yes it still sounds silly, why not wait until the next morning, well I don't think my in-laws would very much appreciate us asking them to get up at 4am, nor do I want to get up at 4am.

So be upset with me that I will be out tomorrow night shopping, think that I am a hypocrite for wanting these people home with their families but still shopping at their store. That's fine. But Steven and I are going to take this opportunity to go out and do something silly and fun together and laugh at the people that are crazy buying deals, and pick up a few good deals ourselves while we can. He will not be home next year for the holidays. I will explain to our girls that Daddy has to be gone and work for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I will do it with the pride of a military wife and not complaint. It will not be the only year I have to do it. And no I do not think that Walmart and military members are comparable in their need to work on holidays. Please also understand that if you knew how our last week has gone you would agree that we could use a little silly and crazy stupid fun.

Also if you want to be the person and stand up for those who have to work on Thanksgiving have you ever thought of all the people who work at the professional football games you watch or the Thanksgiving day parade. Those are also unneeded things (nurses, doctors, military, firemen, etc...are all necessary). Outside of the football players and coaches who are paid well, have you considered all the concession, security, ticket people who have to work too. Maybe they get extra pay, I hope so, just pointing out that it's not just retail stores who make their people work holidays.

Insanity Month 1

Well we have finished the first month of Insanity. It was hard and I didn't think we were going to get this far, but we have. I am proud to say that I have been able to do it and not passed out, and to say that I am actually enjoying it. I can say that easier on Monday morning, because Sundays are off days.

So have we seen results?? Well I have lost 9.5lbs (just .5lbs away from my Thanksgiving goal, darn .5lb). I have started to see my arms develop muscles (they are small, don't ask to see them). Last night I pointed out to Steven that you can start to see my hip bones. My body in general seems to be getting more in shape. While I have lost a lot of weight up to this point, it is nice to see my body getting toned and changing shape. And while Steven may tell you different, he is building muscle and has more muscle definition.

I have to say I am a little sad that we will be starting the second half, only because I was just starting to get the hang of some of the exercises and I could finally do the warm up without stopping. Oh well that's the point right, move onto something new so your body doesn't get used to the old. It is going to get harder in the second month, so we'll see how that is. We are doing a week of recovery before we get into the second month. There is a workout that we will do, don't think we get a whole week off. Actually we don't get any extra days off, it's just not as intense of a workout. It will be nice to have a little less intensity this week. We have a whole lot going on this week, and of course I have realized that I am behind on a couple things for Christmas, so busy busyness this week. Let's hope the kids understand that.

A New Tattoo??

So I promised myself years and years ago that if I lost 50lbs I would get another tattoo. I have 3 already, nothing large, it is possible you could see me often and never know I had them. But I promised myself this and when I reached 50lbs I was excited to think about getting another tattoo. Unfortunately it has been over 4 months and 34lbs more and I have not gotten a new one. Why? I don't know what to get. I am not someone to just go get a tattoo. If I am going to have it on my body I want it to mean something to me and I want to love it forever, since I am going to have it forever. I also don't want anything large. I am not someone who can do big tattoos. It just doesn't suit me. I also think hard about placement, because I plan on working again when we have kids in school, so I will likely need to be able to cover it with clothing most days.

When we are done having kids I will get a tattoo for all of them, so I don't want anything to do with them. I know that sounds bad, but this is something for myself to remind me of how far I have come. Yes I have considered getting a number 50, but that seems lame and I plan on losing much more than that. I'm thinking I will wait till I lose 100lbs to even get the tattoo. And knowing my decision making skills it will be longer than that.

If anyone has any brilliant ideas, feel free to share. Remember no numbers, even roman numerals. I just want something that will remind me of how far I have come and all that I have done to get here. And something that can be small. Hmmm...

What Your Parents Never Told You

I am not a parenting expert. Mady isn't even 2 1/2 yet, so I definitely have things to learn still. A lot to learn actually. Just last night I text my mom and asked her if we became unbearable when we Mady's age. Her honest response was pretty much yes. We are in the midst of the terrible 2s. For those who haven't been through this yet, don't be scared, you will get through it. My mom recommends patience. I recommend a mommy time out in the bathroom with the door locked once daddy gets home. It's really not that bad. Promise. Kinda.

Anyways, want to know what your parents didn't tell you. They had no idea what they were doing. No parent really does. I have no idea what I am doing most days. Okay don't get me wrong, change diapers, make sure baby is fed and clean. I got that. There are basic things we all know to do. But a lot of the time, we are just guessing. How to punish a biter? Time out, a spanking, bite them back, take your guess with your child and hope it works. Even when you have a crying child and you think you know what they need, the truth is, you really are just guessing and praying that it stops the crying.

I will never forget holding my sweet newborn babies in my arms and looking at the nurse in the hospital as they said we could take them each home and thinking you have to be kidding me. I have no idea what I am doing. The first week with Madelynn after my mom left and Steven went back to work, I cried everyday. Mady cried, I cried. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I remember one day looking at Steven and saying I don't know what's wrong with her. He then asked if she needed her diaper changed and I cried because I hadn't thought of that. I was a brand new mom with major nervousness. It got better with time, and by the time I had Brynn I didn't have nervous breakdowns daily, but I still didn't know what I was doing all the time. And I still don't. And I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life as a mom who doesn't know what exactly I am doing. And that's okay. Just don't tell my kids. Ever. As far as I know, even though I don't know what I am doing, my mom still does. She always does.

I don't want to do it

So last night Steven and completed our third week of Insanity. The great thing is we are enjoying it (for the most part) and we are starting to see results. Steven's arms are getting very buff and mine are getting smaller (thank goodness). Also I am seeing results in my tummy and legs, which is great. We have fun doing it, well fun maybe isn't the best word, but we do like it.

But last night, I didn't want to do it. I have never done an exercise program with a schedule, nor have I ever worked out 6 days a week, every week. And while I am enjoying it, it is getting tough to keep doing. Thankfully I have Steven to keep me motivated and we keep each other going. But honest to goodness last night I didn't want to do it. All I really wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch a movie with popcorn and junk food. I wanted to get french fries from McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae, oreos, and sit and eat and not think about the consequence or end up with the consequences. I could deal with the slight weight gain, but the not sleeping because I was having "intestinal issues" and feeling absolutely miserable I didn't want. So that plan was out. I still didn't want to workout though. I was coming up with every reason I could not to. I had just gotten my flu shot, I was feeling sad because my dad had left, I just didn't want to. But what I do want came first. I do want to stick to this program. I do want to continue to change my body. I do want to be encouraging to Steven.

So we worked out and I'd like to tell you afterwards I felt so much better and was happy I did. Now don't get me wrong I am happy I did it, but I was absolutely exhausted. My body was achy and hurting. So no, after you workout you don't always feel great. Mentally you can be proud, but physically sometimes you just wish you hadn't.

But I still did it. We finished the 3rd and we have a night off. And a night off is nice, but I still want to do it tomorrow. Sometimes I think I am a masochist.

I should probably add that after we worked out we sat on the couch, watched Captain America and had popcorn and low fat Oreos. So at least I got some of what I wanted.