This may not seem big to you...

I have recently hit a big point for myself in weight loss. Although when thinking about it I realized that not everyone may appreciate it as much as others. And some may not think it is a big deal at all, yet for myself it is. So bear with me.

When I began losing weight, I had no idea how much weight I would want to lose. I still don't know an exact amount and really I try not to put too much stock into any one measure of weight loss. But I did know that there were more measures of weight loss than just your actual weight. Especially because at 5'7" 120lbs was going to look different on me than a woman that is 5'1". And no I don't aspire to be 120lbs. So I started using a BMI calculator on occasion to see where I was at. The BMI calculator uses your height and weight to give you an approximate percentage of body fat that you have. It's not perfect, but it is a good general measuring tool.

Anyways I've mentioned before that I have brought my BMI down quite a bit and I have now reached a new milestone with it. My BMI at the beginning of February was 43.8%, that is in the severely obese category. Other charts will call it morbidly obese. When I think about that I can't believe I ever let myself get that far. People who are morbidly obese are at higher risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes, stroke, and can cause breathing problems. On top of this as a woman it can cause fertility problems, I consider myself lucky to have had 2 healthy uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries at the weights I was at. When I think about that term morbidly obese it scares me. That means that my weight could have literally been a factor in killing me. Okay I know that your weight is not the only factor in health things, but it is something that I have control over and that i can do something about. I cannot control that all the negative things that are related to obesity run in my family. But this I can do something about.

Anyways, this past weekend my BMI entered a new category. I am now just overweight. Okay that may not seem that great, but when you consider I came from severely obese, crossed through the obese section, and am now overweight it doesn't seem so bad. I still want to get myself to the normal range and am working on that, but just knowing that I have come so far is encouraging to myself. Oh and my BMI is currently 29.9% (yes right into that overweight range).

If you want help in getting started losing weight and need encouragement or guidance on how to start, let me know. I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you the things that have helped me and point you toward different sources for help.

The holiday season in full swing!

I feel the need to apologize for not writing for so long. Turns out the past week was busy busy busy. And this week seems to be starting the same way.

Well we had Thanksgiving and it went great here! I have to say probably the best Thanksgiving food I have ever made. Now to wait another year to have all the yummy goodness again! I was convinced I would be gaining weight over the last week and had actually decided that as long as I didn't get over a certain point it would be okay. Turns out I lost weight over the weekend! I was pleasantly surprised. And it gave me hope that I can reach my next goal even sooner. 11lbs more to my next goal and I want to do it by February. And I are what I wanted. I didn't deprive myself, although I did eat less, purely because I physically cannot eat as much as I used to.

Last night we started our 2nd month of Insanity. It was hard. Really hard. I don't think I have ever worked out for an hour solid until last night. While it was hard, we could do it. I mean we took a lot if breaks, but we made it through. And we are looking forward to seeing what the other new workouts bring.

I don't know about everyone else, but I feel behind for Christmas already! We have gifts for the girls, but still have more to work on. I have started looking for Steven but haven't gotten anything. I have a great idea which is proving tough to execute without him finding out about. And now I am working on our 25 days of Christmas for the girls. 25 days of Christmas fun, crafts, things out of the norm. Cheap things :) I am ready to pull out our Christmas decorations, but waiting for Steven to help (there may be spiders in the boxes). And our tree will go up not too long from now. First we have to decide on where to put it. Turns out the more toys you have, the harder to find a place. Yes, a toy cleaning out is planned before Christmas. In fact donating a couple of toys is one of the things we are having Mady do this year. Brynn too but she has less say in which ones. We are excited to go see Santa this weekend and hopefully there are a lot less screams and unhappiness than when we tried to see Santa last year.

And try to remind yourself if you gained weight over Thanksgiving it's not the end of the world. You can get those pounds off again! That's what I tell myself every time I gain :) I know easier said than done sometimes.

Shopping on Thanksgiving

I am going Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving. Yes I know many many people are saying that you shouldn't because the workers should be home with their families, and I agree. I think people should be home with their families. I think stores should be closed on Thanksgiving day. I think that if you have to work on a holiday you should get extra pay. And to be honest there aren't any huge deals that we are trying to get. So why go you ask? Well it is the first and possibly only time Steven and I will be able to brave the crazy crowds of Walmart or Target shoppers together. it sounds silly, I acknowledge this. But Steven and I rarely have a chance to go out without the kids, and we refuse to take our children to go crazy shopping at ridiculous times of night. This year Steven's parents are here, so they can stay with the girls (who will be fast asleep) while we go out. Yes it still sounds silly, why not wait until the next morning, well I don't think my in-laws would very much appreciate us asking them to get up at 4am, nor do I want to get up at 4am.

So be upset with me that I will be out tomorrow night shopping, think that I am a hypocrite for wanting these people home with their families but still shopping at their store. That's fine. But Steven and I are going to take this opportunity to go out and do something silly and fun together and laugh at the people that are crazy buying deals, and pick up a few good deals ourselves while we can. He will not be home next year for the holidays. I will explain to our girls that Daddy has to be gone and work for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I will do it with the pride of a military wife and not complaint. It will not be the only year I have to do it. And no I do not think that Walmart and military members are comparable in their need to work on holidays. Please also understand that if you knew how our last week has gone you would agree that we could use a little silly and crazy stupid fun.

Also if you want to be the person and stand up for those who have to work on Thanksgiving have you ever thought of all the people who work at the professional football games you watch or the Thanksgiving day parade. Those are also unneeded things (nurses, doctors, military, firemen, etc...are all necessary). Outside of the football players and coaches who are paid well, have you considered all the concession, security, ticket people who have to work too. Maybe they get extra pay, I hope so, just pointing out that it's not just retail stores who make their people work holidays.

Insanity Month 1

Well we have finished the first month of Insanity. It was hard and I didn't think we were going to get this far, but we have. I am proud to say that I have been able to do it and not passed out, and to say that I am actually enjoying it. I can say that easier on Monday morning, because Sundays are off days.

So have we seen results?? Well I have lost 9.5lbs (just .5lbs away from my Thanksgiving goal, darn .5lb). I have started to see my arms develop muscles (they are small, don't ask to see them). Last night I pointed out to Steven that you can start to see my hip bones. My body in general seems to be getting more in shape. While I have lost a lot of weight up to this point, it is nice to see my body getting toned and changing shape. And while Steven may tell you different, he is building muscle and has more muscle definition.

I have to say I am a little sad that we will be starting the second half, only because I was just starting to get the hang of some of the exercises and I could finally do the warm up without stopping. Oh well that's the point right, move onto something new so your body doesn't get used to the old. It is going to get harder in the second month, so we'll see how that is. We are doing a week of recovery before we get into the second month. There is a workout that we will do, don't think we get a whole week off. Actually we don't get any extra days off, it's just not as intense of a workout. It will be nice to have a little less intensity this week. We have a whole lot going on this week, and of course I have realized that I am behind on a couple things for Christmas, so busy busyness this week. Let's hope the kids understand that.

A New Tattoo??

So I promised myself years and years ago that if I lost 50lbs I would get another tattoo. I have 3 already, nothing large, it is possible you could see me often and never know I had them. But I promised myself this and when I reached 50lbs I was excited to think about getting another tattoo. Unfortunately it has been over 4 months and 34lbs more and I have not gotten a new one. Why? I don't know what to get. I am not someone to just go get a tattoo. If I am going to have it on my body I want it to mean something to me and I want to love it forever, since I am going to have it forever. I also don't want anything large. I am not someone who can do big tattoos. It just doesn't suit me. I also think hard about placement, because I plan on working again when we have kids in school, so I will likely need to be able to cover it with clothing most days.

When we are done having kids I will get a tattoo for all of them, so I don't want anything to do with them. I know that sounds bad, but this is something for myself to remind me of how far I have come. Yes I have considered getting a number 50, but that seems lame and I plan on losing much more than that. I'm thinking I will wait till I lose 100lbs to even get the tattoo. And knowing my decision making skills it will be longer than that.

If anyone has any brilliant ideas, feel free to share. Remember no numbers, even roman numerals. I just want something that will remind me of how far I have come and all that I have done to get here. And something that can be small. Hmmm...

What Your Parents Never Told You

I am not a parenting expert. Mady isn't even 2 1/2 yet, so I definitely have things to learn still. A lot to learn actually. Just last night I text my mom and asked her if we became unbearable when we Mady's age. Her honest response was pretty much yes. We are in the midst of the terrible 2s. For those who haven't been through this yet, don't be scared, you will get through it. My mom recommends patience. I recommend a mommy time out in the bathroom with the door locked once daddy gets home. It's really not that bad. Promise. Kinda.

Anyways, want to know what your parents didn't tell you. They had no idea what they were doing. No parent really does. I have no idea what I am doing most days. Okay don't get me wrong, change diapers, make sure baby is fed and clean. I got that. There are basic things we all know to do. But a lot of the time, we are just guessing. How to punish a biter? Time out, a spanking, bite them back, take your guess with your child and hope it works. Even when you have a crying child and you think you know what they need, the truth is, you really are just guessing and praying that it stops the crying.

I will never forget holding my sweet newborn babies in my arms and looking at the nurse in the hospital as they said we could take them each home and thinking you have to be kidding me. I have no idea what I am doing. The first week with Madelynn after my mom left and Steven went back to work, I cried everyday. Mady cried, I cried. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I remember one day looking at Steven and saying I don't know what's wrong with her. He then asked if she needed her diaper changed and I cried because I hadn't thought of that. I was a brand new mom with major nervousness. It got better with time, and by the time I had Brynn I didn't have nervous breakdowns daily, but I still didn't know what I was doing all the time. And I still don't. And I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life as a mom who doesn't know what exactly I am doing. And that's okay. Just don't tell my kids. Ever. As far as I know, even though I don't know what I am doing, my mom still does. She always does.

I don't want to do it

So last night Steven and completed our third week of Insanity. The great thing is we are enjoying it (for the most part) and we are starting to see results. Steven's arms are getting very buff and mine are getting smaller (thank goodness). Also I am seeing results in my tummy and legs, which is great. We have fun doing it, well fun maybe isn't the best word, but we do like it.

But last night, I didn't want to do it. I have never done an exercise program with a schedule, nor have I ever worked out 6 days a week, every week. And while I am enjoying it, it is getting tough to keep doing. Thankfully I have Steven to keep me motivated and we keep each other going. But honest to goodness last night I didn't want to do it. All I really wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch a movie with popcorn and junk food. I wanted to get french fries from McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae, oreos, and sit and eat and not think about the consequence or end up with the consequences. I could deal with the slight weight gain, but the not sleeping because I was having "intestinal issues" and feeling absolutely miserable I didn't want. So that plan was out. I still didn't want to workout though. I was coming up with every reason I could not to. I had just gotten my flu shot, I was feeling sad because my dad had left, I just didn't want to. But what I do want came first. I do want to stick to this program. I do want to continue to change my body. I do want to be encouraging to Steven.

So we worked out and I'd like to tell you afterwards I felt so much better and was happy I did. Now don't get me wrong I am happy I did it, but I was absolutely exhausted. My body was achy and hurting. So no, after you workout you don't always feel great. Mentally you can be proud, but physically sometimes you just wish you hadn't.

But I still did it. We finished the 3rd and we have a night off. And a night off is nice, but I still want to do it tomorrow. Sometimes I think I am a masochist.

I should probably add that after we worked out we sat on the couch, watched Captain America and had popcorn and low fat Oreos. So at least I got some of what I wanted.

The Breakfast Factor

Breakfast effects my whole day. I didn't realize this until recently. It really does though. If I have a good breakfast I am more likely to eat a good lunch and snack well which helps give me more energy and the ability to handle the stress of 2 toddlers better.

There are tons of benefits of having a good breakfast that I could mention, but really for me it effects my whole mood. If my breakfast ends up being a disappointment my whole day can suffer. I know it's sad that it can effect my day so much, but it does. This doesn't mean I have a huge breakfast all the time, sometimes honey nut Cheerios are all I want, it does mean though that yesterday when I warmed up my breakfast sandwich and it stunk, I was a bit moody and ate a granola bar instead, which just didn't fill me up and then I felt snacky all day because my lunch wasn't great and I felt like I ate poorly all day.

So what I'm saying is if you aren't used to a good breakfast try it. It could really make your day. And if you are thinking you don't have time, try making breakfast sandwiches ahead of time and freezing them. It's easy. Toasty some English muffins, scramble eggs, add cheese and cooked bacon, let cool, wrap in paper towel, put in ziplock bag, and freeze. Just warm for 1 to 2 minutest and you have a good breakfast. Watch how many calories are in your cheese and muffins and you can have a healthy one too.

So now I shall go make myself and the girls a good heathy breakfast and hope for a calm day. We'll see...

The complete and honest truth about my weight

I have recently been a little hard on myself. This is strange for me because I throughout the past 10 months I have been able to be positive and encouraging with myself even when I have gained a little weight or just stayed the same for a week. I have always been able to look at the scale and remind myself where I was when I started and I would be happy with my progress. This was until last week. Last week I gained a couple pounds and had a hard time taking them off and I was hard on myself. For the first time I wanted to give up and just say I was good with the progress I had made. It took me a few days to realize why this time it was so much harder.

So to explain this I have to reveal something I have not. My weight. I don't want to, but the reality is I promised myself I would be real on my blog and try to encourage people and show people that they too can do what I have. This means revealing even the hard things that I don't want to. So I will. Please know though that even as I type this I am nervous.

So this recent weight gain has been hard because I had finally reached a milestone that I was very proud of. Last weekend for the first time I reached a weight that started with a 1 not a 2. I had finally gotten below 200lbs. It was thrilling because I have been above that for so long. SO many years. Then the next day I was up a couple pounds. Back in the 200s. I didn't let that one day bother me too much, because that happens, but when it lasted almost all week, I was discouraged. Yet I was seeing results. I could tell that Insanity was changing my body and I am hopeful that I am gaining muscle. I have known for a long time that I could not just look at the scale for proof of my results, but the past week was the first time I really had to accept that. I think it was God's reality check for me. Like I was not going to get back under 200 until I could accept that my body is changing despite what the scale says. So i have an I can happily say that I got back down to where I want to be yesterday.

So I feel now like I should tell you all the real numbers. Okay, so my starting weight 10 months ago was 280lbs. I'm not proud of that, but that was not the highest I had ever been even. Since then I have lost 81lbs, making my weight now 199lbs. That probably sounds like a lot to many people still, but to me this is a HUGE accomplishment. I have lost 29% of my body weight from the beginning and brought my BMI down 12.6%. I started as morbidly obese and now am almost nearly in the overweight BMI category. I would still like to be in the healthy range of course, but to come as far as I have is amazing. My health has improved in many many ways and I am proud of how far I have come.

Some will criticize still because I still have a ways to go, but let's remember I have not done any fad diets, I have never starved myself, I eat right and exercise. I counted every calorie I ate for nearly 6 months, but now I can limit myself and eat the right way without having to do that (although on occasion I will for a day). I have had the support from all the people around me.

So now you know. You know how much I weigh. Even as I finish this I am wondering if I should post it, but I think I will. If it will help even one person see that they to can do it. Maybe I started higher than them, or maybe they are where I was, please know that you can do it if you want. Just a little effort will get the ball rolling.

October Update

October was quite a month for us. We had lots of fun and I lost some weight. Some of the fun things we got to do were firsts for us. We got to go to our very first Airshow, where we saw the Blue Angels and many other Marine and Navy planes. We also learned that Mady likes airplanes when they are far away, but she is not a fan of how loud they are up close. We also all ended up with sunburns despite the sunscreen we used.

We also went to a pumpkin patch where we did a hay maze, had fair type food, picked out pumpkins and had lots of fun. A few weeks later we painted our pumpkins, which they loved!

Steven and I also got some separate time away from the kids. Steven went to a movie, I went shopping. We both felt reenergized afterwards.

One of the biggest things this month was we adopted a puppy! Her name is Oso (yes Mady helped picked the name). She is a collie lab mix and adorable. She is 4 months old and is turning into a great puppy for us. She is potty trained for the most part and we are working on leash training and keeping down on the barking and digging. We all love her.

As far as weight loss I am down 80lbs total now. This month I lost about 11lbs. I am happy to have hit my weight loss goal got before the end of the year, but a bit discouraged right now, I has been consistently losing weight and this week I keep bouncing up and down about 2lbs. I know it's normal, but it is tough, seeing as I have been eating well and we started the Insanity workout. I am trying not to get down about it though. It's just a few days and I think I have figured out what it is. I think I may not be eating enough. I know it sounds weird, but if you know anything about weight loss you know you have to eat and eat the right amount. So I'm wondering if maybe I am eating enough for a regular day, but not enough for how much I am working out. So I think I'll try to boost up my calorie intake and see what happens.

Anyways enough about that, November is a new month and we get to see my Dad and my in-laws this month which will be fun. Thanksgiving will be here soon and we will enjoy some good food and fun. So onto the Thanksgiving preparations!